A Heart Drowning in Worship

"Beautiful Beautiful" by Francesca Battistelli
Don’t know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace

(Chorus)
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful

Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face

(Chorus)

I have come undone
But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace

(Chorus)

Everything we think, feel, express is inspired from someone, something around us. We'd like to think we are all original, clever, and uniquely expressive in our words, actions, and pictures; however, all inspiration comes from the one that inspired the creation into existence.

Worship is amazing because while it can be a crowd of 10,000 lifting their hands to God, it is the uniqueness of each and every heart that God finds as an act of worship.

It rained all weekend, I spent time getting myself ready, pulling myself together, and finally opening that door to a downpour of flood like potential. My heart sunk as I thought to myself, well there goes all my work of trying to get my hair in that just right sweep, and my makeup applied delicately enough to appear natural. It later made me think to myself, how much of who we are and what we think we have to offer is esteemed from the perfect haircut, the natural glow of a powder, or the catalog type look in our outward appearance? When the rain falls and washes it all away, who are we then?

"And even perfect days can end in rain." Our worship is an expression of who we are, it is when the rain is falling and we find ourselves standing in a puddle, that our heart shines to the Heavens the brightest. Our esteem, our worship, our inspiration can not be washed away.

The rain brings life to a thirsty field, it brings color to a parched flower, but it also brings raw honesty in who we are as individuals as our masks, insecurities, and false senses of esteem are added to the puddles around us. The rain will come but it is God who promises the rainbows of promise that who we are in the storm will one day shine bright in the heavens.

Rome Wasn't Built in a Day...

I am a goal oriented person. Every day, every year, every event, I make a list for myself; there is something about the satisfaction of crossing off a line and finding the joy in an accomplishment.

There is always a main goal, and a lot of smaller goals leading up to the bigger picture of a hope or a dream that I desire to shape my life towards.

Some days that list seems like an adventure and other days it feels like a challenge; how quickly the heart can flip flop from anticipation to a sense of overwhelming doom. The weight always occurs when I focus on the main goal and let the small details fade away. I get overwhelmed because of all the work, all the effort, all the energy and emotion that it will take to get to that point. Some days I feel ready to tackle the battle and other days I’m lacking even an ounce of energy.

It is all the small details that make the main goal achievable. We can’t lose focus on the smaller tasks that aren’t as rewarding because without them the reward is not as rich.

God took 6 days to create the world and a 7th day to rest. He had the power, the ability, to create everything in one day and be done, but He didn’t. I think this speaks volumes about His expectations for us as human beings. He calls for us to work, to labor, to prepare for ourselves, our families and our church families, but He doesn’t expect us to be able to do it all in a single day.

Why are we constantly trying to upstage God? Why must we feel like we have to accomplish building an entire dream in a day? God had the power to snap his fingers and make the world appear and yet He didn’t. Scripture doesn’t give a detailed account of His reasoning, but I feel that God doesn’t do anything because He has to; He does everything because He wants to. There is no sense of urgency, anxiety, or dread in His creative hand; instead, He takes the time to dwell and develop the details. I like to think that He finds Joy in the process and gets lost in the creativity of the project, that He enjoys His work and dwells more in the template then the timetable.

He doesn’t ask us to do it all, He only asks us to give our all.

And in all that we give, let it be glorifying to Him.

A Gallary of the Heart

A picture says a hundred words that
sometimes my pen fails to capture.

When scripture says, "and Mary pondered all these things in her heart," I wonder what an exhibit of her heart would say in the hundreds of snapshots captured by her soul.

I wonder how many songs are written but never sung, how many movies scripted but never acted out, how many books outlined but never sold? The eyes, the heart, the soul--a treasure of the greatest masterpieces captured, written, and expressed often to no one other than ourselves.

To an audience of one these songs are sung, these movies screened, and these books read. Masterpieces of worship inspired by and for God that no one else may ever see. It does not take a critic, an audience, or monetary gain to define a success.

True accomplishment comes in knowing that who you are, who you were made to be, the song in your heart, the story of your soul are masterpieces to the one that sees into your heart and soul. It is only He that inspires your simple pleasures and greatest desires.

Its Days Like These...

Shadows dance on blades of grass, jumping from one blade to the next--the darkness only proves the light. Fields of color, sky's of blue--my heart breathes fresh renewal in the Creator's symphony.


The birds chirp, the dogs bark and I listen trying to decode their melodies.

It is days like these that make me ponder if what I had to say could even pale in comparison to what the Creator is speaking to me.

Words in the form of imagery, noise in a sense of silence.

My heart can't help but be still as my soul moves in His presence.

Consumed with always trying to find the purpose--I close my eyes under a canopy of cloudy skies and let go of my narrow mindedness, inhale the sweet breeze of understanding that it is His purpose I awake to.

When I feel utterly alone, I open the windows-- I feel the sun on my face, the warmth embraces me, it holds me in its rays and a sense of security wraps itself around me.

In letting go of all I feel I need, in all I think I have to have--
I stand outside in fields of emptiness and realize that He is my all--
He is all my soul needs to feel alive

Means to an End or Ends to a Mean

In discussing perspective with a friend, I found that it is how we live our lives that is a reflection of what our ultimate goal is. Our hope comes form that goal--it is what we strive after each and every day even when the journey, or the means doesn't make sense to us.

For some it is success, money, love, adventure, and for the Christian it is Christ. We live our lives because God placed us here for a reason, we were not meant to understand the end--our human minds can not comprehend its glory and splendor but we work and breathe and act in order to better understand and to draw closer to God. Life is not just about the end.

If God didn't have purpose for this earth and for our daily battles, struggles, and meaningless acts, He would not have created the world, the human being or given us passions, talents, emotions, and personalities.

We were meant to live life--to live with purpose--and to push on each day that God blesses us with. Our ultimate goal is to spend eternity with God but eternity has already started--we are already with God. This journey we are on is to draw closer to God--to find Him in life's pleasures and to seek Him in life's pains, to praise Him in life's joys and to rely on Him in times of doubt.

Our life is a means to an end of eternity in Heaven but each day is a piece of that eternity as we are here on earth living out our lives for Christ.

What is your goal? What is your Perspective?

What are You Willing to Fight for?

What is the definition of a fighter?
Can one be considered a fighter if they've never encountered a battle?
If they have never had something of value at risk of being taken away from them?

Some days i conquer the battles but they leave me exhausted, they produce tears, and leave battle scars. On one particular day I felt a sense of despair but in trying to capture the lesson of that particular day these words echoed in the back of my mind over and over: "Keep fighting, keep fighting, keep fighting."

I don't know why struggles occur, I don't know why people and things we love slip away.
I don't know why the deepest darkest passions and desires of our hearts, seem at times, to go unfulfilled.
I don't know why life seems to tease us by bringing those things so close and then vanishing before we can embrace them.
What I do know though is that the fight, the battle, is for the things we can't and wont let go of. The fight is for the things that keep us waking up each morning, striving for each day, and hoping for each night.

Defend your dreams, your passions, desires; fight for those things that define your existence and your soul.
Never Ever Give Up when times get hard because it is the struggle that defines the fighter.

Let go of the things that weigh you down and hold you back--sometimes forever, sometimes for a few months, and sometimes just for a day. There has to be sacrifices in training, in order to gain something, another has to be lost--it's part of the process, the journey of life. It is the moments that seem the hardest, when we feel we have nothing left to give, that the return is most rewarding. God promises to not give us more then we can handle but He also knows that we are capable of more then we give ourselves credit for. To train ourselves into the condition we need to be in to continue to fight is not for the faint of heart, it is not for the one that's not willing to lose it all for the sake of the goal. Our fight is not aimless, it is to defend who we are, who God made us to be.

The Goal is to find what it is in this life that wont let go of us as we hold on to it.