The Process of Purpose

Our tendency is to only hide things that are shameful or incomplete or insignificant.
Consider human conception. Life commences in the dark warmth of the womb.  God knits us together there with infinitely creative hands concealing from our curiosity his most mysterious act of creation. Unseen? Yes. Unimportant? Not remotely...Or consider the growth of a plant. Before a gardner can enjoy a plant's fruit, she must tenderly and strategically attend to its root.  So a plant's birth begins with its burial. The gardner commits a generally unremarkable seed to the silence of the soil, where it sits in stillness and lightlessness, hidden by the smothering dirt.  Just when it appears as though death is imminent, its seeming decay reveals new life.  The seed becomes less and yet more of its former self, and in that transformation takes hold of the darkness and reaches for the sun.  All that is to come rests greatly upon the plants ability to tightly and sightlessly develop roots in unseen places. (Anonymous... by Alicia Britt Chole)

I consider the flower in the darkest of places, planting its roots even deeper into the soil, in no hurry but waiting for just that right moment to reveal itself for that ever so short amount of time where we capture it's beauty, its fragrance, and its addition to the earth's canvas. 

I feel God is revealing to me my impatience, my inability to be still, and my fear of growing in the shadows of life.  Lately I feel time passes before me and obligations, responsibilities, errands, and work capture all my time so that by the time I finally get a chance to sit down, my eyes are so heavy that the next thing I hear is an alarm reminding me of my next obligation.  O how I long for selfish time--for mornings sitting drinking coffee, journaling, creating, feeling inspired.  Lately, I feel I've lost a part of myself.  Writing doesn't come as easily, its hard to find inspiration, creativity seems like something I try so hard to achieve instead of feeling it radiating through my mind and my fingers.  

When time seems to pass by at a pace we can't keep up with, it seems we have to schedule passion and purpose.  More often then not it begins to feel forced, it begins to be more about the end result then it is about the process.  We get the idea that it is the end result that defines us and gives proof to who we are. I think I'm so focused on the end result anymore that I don't give myself time to enjoy the process.

I've always liked to take things piece by piece, take my time creating, experimenting, working through ideas and yet I'm so focused on the end result and get so frustrated with myself that I can't visualize a plan.  The joy had always been in the journey and somehow my focus got shifted where I have felt that the journey has been keeping me from my purpose.  Life has become like this--I get so fixated on the end result that I can't give myself the time I need to develop and enjoy the process. I find frustration in not accomplishing the task rather than enjoying each step that gets me closer to it.

I decorated my apartment piece by piece.  It was fun to see it grow in front of my eyes 'till one day everything worked together and I wondered to myself, "wow, how did it all pull together?"   When taking photos its 5 bad photos for every good one and sometimes its an hour of walking, observing, thinking before you find the one moment/instance that makes you realize the investment was worth it.  Scrap-booking, quilting, writing, running are all most successful when i spend my time planning, thinking, anticipating, experimenting.  Because the goal is not the finished product but the story behind it.

So in this moment of self discovery I've realized a profound lesson.....Give Yourself Time.
Allow for the process, enjoy the journey and stop putting the success on the finished product but on the details that it took to get there.  Allow yourself to be selfish, take your time and put your mark on things. This life will pass you by but in the end its your story that reveals your purpose.

The Melody of Silence.

However, when we state our desires to "be like Jesus" we are not referring to Jesus' anonymous years. " I want to walk like Jesus walked and live like Jesus lived," is generally not equated in our hearts with "I want to live 90% of my life in absolute obscurity!" (Anonymous, Jesus' Hidden years...and yours by Alicia Britt Chole)

I find myself in constant comparison, desperate to find something to measure my life to that of others.  Wanting and hoping that somehow I'm on the right track and that my life is moving in the direction that society labels acceptable.  I struggle with wanting a house, a newer car, wanting a baby: non of which are bad things to want or dream of. However, the problem I find is that I long more for fitting in with the status-quo then I do with finding contentment in who God made me to be and where He has placed me today.  I compare and I envy and I wonder if so and so is somehow more successful or has more worth than me. You try to make the right decisions and follow after God but sometimes the right choices for our lives are lived in silence, are practiced through patience, and are evidenced by stillness.  A friend asks you consistently, "when are you having a baby?" and you cant help but wonder if there is something wrong with you for not having an answer.  You see others moving into new houses, getting new jobs, taking exciting trips, and accomplishing impressive goals but sometimes the greatest accomplishments can not be evidenced by the human eye.

Waiting on God, I feel, is one of the hardest exercises of faith.  It can take many seasons of silence and obscurity before God brings in His perfect timing the desires of our heart. We live our lives showcasing character by status updates and accomplishments, but true character is developed and displayed in the quiet--in the silence--in the waiting, when there is no physical evidence to our effort except our consistent character of faith in relying on God.

"What would Jesus do?" we ask sincerely. Well, for starters, he embraced a life of hiddeness. As we will soon see, Jesus's hidden years empowered him to live an enternally fruitful life."

The silence prepares us for the noise of life and in God's timing both create the musical symphony of life.

Hidden with Purpose

Have you ever felt hidden? Have you ever moved to a new place or entered a new environment where no one knew who you were, what you could do, or what dreams ignited your soul? Hidden hopes. Hidden dreams. Hidden gifts. All of us are acquainted with chapters in life when our visible fruitfulness is pruned back, our previously praiseworthy strengths become dormant, and our abilities are unnoticed by the watching world. Like a flower whose budding glory is covered up by wet leaves, we sense the weight of hiddenness in our hearts and whisper, “I have so much more to give and be.”
--“Anonymous Jesus Hidden years..And yours” by Alicia Britt Chole

This passage brings understanding to many of the feelings I face. Feelings of anger, resentment, frustration, fear, unworthiness, and eagerness for something new. I find myself unable to pinpoint what has me consumed by such negativity when life around me doesn’t appear to the outside eye to be a time of hardship or inconvenience. How many times have we worked a job, complained, and heard someone say, “hey, it’s a paycheck.” While you knew that statement was true and that you should be grateful, there just is this feeling deep inside that makes even a blank check feel like not enough.

We want to be individuals of purpose. We want our value to go beyond a printed check and a collection of possessions. We long for worth. The reality is that while we feel angry towards our jobs, our bosses, our spouses, our current situations, the real person we are most angry with is ourselves. We are frustrated that we aren’t doing more, being more, and feeling more. We long to push ourselves further and yet always feel held back. We are under the misconception that it is through our own doing that our worth is revealed. If I just got noticed more at my job, if my boss just realized how much I do, if I just ran that extra mile, if I just helped out a little more. We measure worth by doing and purpose by motion.

The Book “Anonymous” dives into that feeling of being invisible, hidden, held back, it brings a Christian perspective to our worldly frustration and it brings to light the reality that nothing is hidden from God. I’m going to go through this book each day, mostly as a “self-help” awakening for myself but hopefully for anyone else that read this too—the ability to find more to our lives and who we are then just what the world sees.

I know I have so much more to give and to be and I spend so much wasted energy in trying to project that to the world around me. The frustration , stress, and exhaustion of daily life comes in not being heard, not being seen, in trying to prove your worth and showcase your talents and yet realize that this world is both deaf and blind to who we are. Is it enough to know who you are? Is it enough to know that God knows who you are? The fear and frustration come in our inability to trust God with our hopes, dreams, and gifts. Trust in God brings contentment with life and a hope for who we were destined to be.

Pray for Rain...

There are posts I write that come from God working in my life, from hearing his voice along the journey, and in learning lessons in the day to day process.  This post is a bit different because sometimes there is a longing in your heart and mind for understanding.  Each day holds opportunity for growth and for lessons learned, but sometimes there aren't these great revelations of wisdom, sometimes, there is just an emptiness in the unknown.   Lessons in trust, lessons in letting go, lessons in waiting are difficult to practice.  The day to day of these tests can become overwhelming and discouraging.  Its a fight to keep your mind on the goal, to keep your eyes focused on what is ahead and to keep your heart directed to who is above.  Some days it takes all my energy and strength just to remain in control of my wondering thoughts, my heavy heart, and my discouraged emotions.  It doesn't take much to sometimes ask yourself, is God really in control of all this?  Does God really know the desires of my heart?  Is there really someone up there whose will is greater than those on earth?  The answer is Yes, but there are days when you have to continue the practice of rising above, pushing away the doubts, and remaining strong in the truth.

I write all this not to be negative or discouraging but to be honest and hopefully encouraging, because there are days when wisdom is not revealed, when a lesson isn't understood, and when my spirit isn't soaring in understanding.  There are days when the lesson is just to believe--and those are the hardest days of all. 

It hasn't rained here for so long that the grass is a golden yellow, the ground longs for rain to grow, to flourish, to be healthy.  A few months ago it wouldn't stop raining, everything flooded and the ground was too wet to plant the crops and for flowers to take root.  Life is sometimes about extremes and while we desire rain and while we desire dryness there has to be a fine balance of both in order for growth to occur.  We often find ourselves in waiting for one or the other, we build a hope for what we need, and in the mean time we rely on God to bring the nourishment we need to grow.

A total dependence on God is the hardest practice of our faith.  In days of drought and in days of flood our heart cries out for help.  God hears our cries he just doesn't always bring about the comfort in our desired time.  Today is a post of crying out to God for wisdom and direction, it is a plea for Hope. It is in posts like these that the later ones of wisdom show the fruitfulness of God and the harvest that he provides for.
I continue to pray for rain....

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time

we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Galatians 6:9

A little encouragement from God...

I want you out of your comfort zone, so that when you move forward, 

you know that it is only through me.