The Battle of Faith and Trust

Today I've spent some time reflecting on what causes the stresses and frustrations of life to creep in and consume every aspect of my rationale.  Faith and Trust.  


I've come to realize these two words affect my everyday life as well as my spiritual life.  By nature I have a very hard time trusting people and putting my faith in others.  I've always been a..."if you wanna do it right, do it yourself" kinda girl and lately I'm learning that if you hold these two qualities back from life, they in turn hold you back.

A marriage struggles when you do not have faith in your partner and when there is an issue of trust; friendships and relationships struggle when you keep yourself at an arm's distance from becoming involved and commited; your relationship with God becomes fragmented when your faith is lacking and when trust is kept in your own hands.  In order to grow in life, in order to grow closer with others, and in order to succeed in our marriages, our church communities, in our businesses, we have to be able to practice faith and trust.  I think the biggest epiphony i've had in this all is realizing that more often than not I hold back faith and trust in myself.  I don't trust myself with my own feelings or decisions and I don't trust that I am a person of worth or of purpose.  How can you learn to trust others and grow in your faith when you can't even practice it with yourself?  I think, in stepping back, its easy to see that if you have lost faith in yourself and have lost trust in yourself, then your focus on God has shifted and your faith and trust in Him has crumbled.  Our example of ultimate trustworthyness, and practice of ultimate faith are consumed and entrusted to God--when our eyes fall from Him, our confidence in ourself and others also begins to fall.

Trust God first with all things.  Put your Faith in God before all else.  If your heart and your head are fixated on God, your decisions and emotions will be affected and guided by Him.  Confidence comes in knowing our purpose and the only way we can know our purpose is to know God.  If we are confident in who we are then we will not feel threatened by others and we can have faith and trust that God holds His plans for us in his hands and that others can not take that from us. 

Where is your focus?  I know lately mine has been shifted downward, I have put control in my own hands and have felt that others may keep me from getting to where I need to be and want to be.  This way of thinking has only caused hostility, discontent, and frustration.  I have kept myself from accomplishing my dreams and goals because ultimately they are not mine to hold on to so tightly.  Scripture says, "For I know the plans I have for you..."  it also says "In his heart a man plans his course, but it is the Lord that determines His steps."  The control is not in our feet, not in our hands, not in our own will but it is in the hands of God, the path of His purpose, and in His ultimate Will.  When you realize that you are not threatened by the world around you, when people and things can not steal your joy, and when your purpose can not be taken from you by mere mortals--it is only then that we can live in the confidence that God hopes we can obtain through Him.

Wealth of Contentment

Ecclesiastes 5:18-20

 ¹⁸ This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them—for this is their lot. ¹⁹ Moreover, when God gives someone wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil—this is a gift of God. ²⁰ They seldom reflect on the days of their life, because God keeps them occupied with gladness of heart.

A content heart is worth more than the riches of this world.  When we rely upon God for our needs, desires, wants, and well-being we rarely find discontent or dwell on the burdens and hardships around us; our focus is purely on God, which blinds us from the distractions of unsettledness. 

It seems there are those times in our lives where we are living pay check to pay check, when every penny of our money is allocated for this or that and we wonder if we will ever be able to move forward with all our hopes and dreams if we are busy working today paying for yesterday.  A discontenment grows in my heart, a frustration for all my hard work builds, and I quickly feel defeated wondering to myself--How can I possibly do more?  The problem with this question is one little letter... "I."   How can I do more?  Verse 20 above states "They seldom reflect on the days of their life, because God keeps them occupied with gladness of heart."  A neat way of thinking is, We work for God and God works for us.  This is not meant to mean that we are above God but that He is working in our lives, for us, because he wants us to be filled with gladness of heart, he wants us to be full of wealth, and contentment.  The problem is that we don't see things through God's eyes, our focus is always on ourselves and our definition of wealth comes in the form of money, posessions, and wants instead of complete reliance on God and the wealth of finding peace in the abundance of God's grace.

We have the capability to be blessed by God on a daily basis...

¹⁹ Moreover, when God gives someone wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil—this is a gift of God.

When we accept our lot and when we are happy in our toil, this is a gift of God.   Contemenent is a gift from God and we have that ability each and everyday no matter the outcome of our day or the joys or hardships we face.

Have you ever considered that sometimes God not giving you the desires of your heart is wealth?  This sounds so backwards but have you ever looked back and thought to yourself, I'm so glad "that" didn't work out.  The thing you wanted so badly, the tears you shed over a lost dream, were later revealed to be harmful or hurtful to your life and your well-being.  The timing of conceiving a child, the purchase of a new home, a job that you got passed over for, etc, etc...  God knows and wants what is best for our lives--this statement is hard because trusting God for what is best isn't easy and it's not without frustration. 

Ecclesiastes 5:2

2 Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God.

God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.

Contentment is a trust in God and trust is the hardest part of our faith.   Faith is our gift to God and contentment is His gift to us.

Character is a Window

I loved the following two quotes from my reading in Anonymous.....

"I feel that trials do not prepare us for whats to come as much as they reveal what we've done with our lives to this point."
"The choices of her yesterdays were revealed through the window of her responses to her current trial. In other words, trials tell us less about our future than they do about our past. Why? Because the decisions we make in difficult places today are greatly the product of decisions we made in the unseen places of our yesterdays."  (Anonymous...Chole)

Character is a Window

Character---who we are today despite what happened to us yesterday, the choices we make for tomorrow based on who we've grown to be today.  Everyday is an opportunity to grow, to build and develop our character--to become our destiny.  We see ugly, we feel pain, we act out or pull away from God, but true character recognizes opportunities for growth and sees the change we strive to achieve in the moments after the ugly.

I find difficulty sometimes as an excuse, as a way to justify my own ugliness--but there is no excuse because character builds up and does not tear down (and that includes how you treat yourself).   I can get fixated on the past, try to find clarity in the chaos I can't understand, to justify who I am and how I feel based on the strings of the past. The emphasis needs to be on rising above and overcoming the doubt because how we respond today, in this moment, is our defining moment.

I've always loved the saying, "Worry is wasted opportunity to trust God."  What if we made sayings of
"Fear is wasted emotion to live boldly in Christ"
"Jealousy is a wasted emotion to feeling complete in God"
"Anxiety is a wasted moment to be led by God's strength and not that of our own"
The key words in all of these is "wasted" "opportunity"
Our character determines how we make the outcome of the opportunities we face every day, there are no excuses just wasted opportunities.

I am constantly growing but only I can determine the direction of my growth. My prayer is that I continue to rise every day and move forward, closer to God and farther from my selfishness of the past.
I want my story to grow, to build; I want a clear start and a clear ending.  I want my character fully developed.  I want all who read my story to flip through the pages and affirm that who I am at the end of my life was an individual who used every opportunity to grow and get closer to my perfect ending of...
"well done my good and faithful servant."