More...

There just always seems like there could be more… More that we could be doing, more that we could be learning, more that we could be achieving, more that we could be becoming.   I know as women, we have this engrained thought that we have to be perfect.  We run ourselves ragged trying to better ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  There is this twisted logic that we all believe that if we are somehow perfect that our lives will be blessed and that we will keep ourselves from conflict and pain.

I just had a monumental birthday.  I said goodbye to my twenties and welcomed my thirties.  As I pondered on everything in the last decade, I realized that there were many memories that left a lasting imprint on my heart but that there were even more memories that I am so very thankful that God gave me a heart strong enough to survive.  In this last decade I have put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect, make perfect decisions, all to establish a perfect future.  At the end of my twenties though what I have truly come to realize and learn is that human perfection is imperfect.

Last night as I poured out my heart to God, asking Him for His wisdom on finding the answer to letting go of perfection, I felt like He answered me with this:

“Why are you constantly trying to find yourself and figure out who you are?  You were never lost to me.”

It was a simple statement but one that really made me ponder.  Why do we spend so much time trying to discover who we are, who we were made to be, when God has known all along—before we were even born.

Psalm 139:13-16   For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, everyone one of them, the days that were formed for, when as yet there was none of them.

The answer is quite simple—stop trying to be perfect. 

2 Corinthians 12:9  “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

We were made by design, God crafted us with His own hands.  All of our days were written by God, He reveals the answers in regards to our purpose by us simply asking Him—Lord, what is your plan for me?

This made me ask myself, Am I living for my own purpose or for God’s purpose? 

God knows exactly who you are, He knows His exact plan for your life, but how many of us ask Him on a daily basis what that plan is? 

Proverbs 16:1-4  The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.  All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the Spirit.  Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established.  The LORD has made everything for its purpose.

God does not require your perfection; He simply requires your obedience.

The only “more” that we need to focus on, is becoming more like Christ—the rest will all fall into place.

The Struggle

So lately, I’ve been doing a lot of research into why I haven’t been feeling very well. I can spend hours trying to research every symptom and possible diagnosis and it seems the more you research it, the more options you come up with. One website is telling you to try this, another website is telling you to stay away from the previous suggestion and try their suggestion. You start creating a maze of circles and at the end of all the research you are just back to where you started. It can be so overwhelming to not know, to not understand, to not be able to figure something out on your own. I know I am so quick to read books, surf the web, go to doctors, try new diets, try new exercises all in a desperate attempt to find answers and to find healing. Now, don’t get me wrong, God brings people into our lives to help us solve problems, He has given us information to help us along in this life, but those things are only after we first seek God with all of our mind, body, and soul.


My first human instinct is to figure things out on my own. Our human nature leads us to believe that we can find answers on our own. You would think that after a hundred times of coming up empty handed, I would finally realize that I do not hold any of the answers. I hate to admit it, but we are a lot like the Israelites in the desert, we attempt to make our own path and think that we can do things better on our own.

Some may think this is coincidence but I know that this is God---today my Bible study was titled “Not by Might” and the first excerpt was this…

Many Christians today quickly turn to manmade things in an attempt to achieve victory over the flesh, just as Israel did. One glaring example is the vast number of self-help books found on the shelves of Christian bookstores. Literally thousands of books promise surefire ways of improving, appeasing, and subduing our flesh. Indeed, everywhere we turn we are offered fleshly options to all our needs. (David Wilkerson)

David Wilkerson then makes the statement, “The truth is, God gave Israel the option of choosing Him or the flesh in the midst of their situation.” Every situation we encounter, whether it be our health, a major life decision, a sinful struggle, or a spiritual battle allows us the opportunity to either strengthen our faith or be consumed by fear.

If all things are brought to God in prayer, if the steps we take are guided and directed by God’s hand, then we do not have to fear where He is taking us or what we might face. God has overcome and He will not leave us to be overcome by our own flesh. We can go to the doctor in confidence because we know that ultimately it is God who holds the answers and if we are diligent in our prayer life, God in His perfect timing will reveal His wisdom to bring us understanding and healing.

David Wilkerson ended the Bible study with this, “If you are in the midst of an overwhelming struggle, you must learn the word God gave Zechariah: ‘Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, saith the Lord’ (Zechariah 4:6)”

The Unknown Road

As the years pass by I am realizing more and more that I am a creature of comfort. I like to have things mapped out in front of me, I want to know what to expect, and I want to know all the details so that I can formulate a plan for ideal comfort.


I lived in a big city for over twenty years and it didn’t faze me to jump into the car and drive from point A to point B. I knew almost all the roads; I knew exactly what lanes I was supposed to be in, where I was supposed to turn, and where all my favorite destinations were. There were over two hundred thousand people sharing the roads with me and yet I was completely comfortable because I knew exactly where to go and how to get there.

Recently I moved to a smaller city, which requires about thirty minutes of driving to get to my favorite destinations. This change of cities, roads, and scenery has created a panic inside of me every time I get inside my car to go anywhere. Suddenly I don’t know any of the roads, I don’t know which lanes to be in, I have no clue where I’m supposed to turn, and I often wonder if it would just be safer to stay home.

How could I be so comfortable in a big city and yet be paralyzed by fear in a much smaller city? It seems almost comical doesn’t it, especially since we are in the technological age where GPS devices are easily accessible and where your car almost navigates for you now?

What we think is comfortable is sometimes just our excuse for being paralyzed by fear. How often does God ask us to trust Him? How often does God ask us to take a leap of faith without giving us the bigger picture? It made me wonder how many times God has asked me to get into the car and travel somewhere new and yet out of fear I have stayed home, desperate to stay in my comfort zone.

Growing up I often thought that God’s will meant that He gave you the big picture and then it was up to you to find the best route to get there. That logic made me terrified of getting lost, of missing opportunities, or of not arriving on time. God has revealed to me lately though that He has a will and a purpose for me but that He wants to direct me step-by-step along the way. He wants me to be in constant prayer, listening to His direction. He wants me to tune out the distractions around me and simply be focused on His voice. When we are constantly praying, listening, and walking step-by-step in faith with God there is no fear in getting lost, in missing opportunities, or in being late because it becomes God’s plan and not our own.

When we try to take the wheel ourselves, and navigate our life on our own, the journey suddenly becomes overwhelming and fearful. We tend to stay in our comfort zones because we want the control of knowing where we are going and how to get there, but we sacrifice the many opportunities and blessings that God has planned for us. If we live our lives in faith and learn to listen to the voice of God, it does not matter where we are going, how many people are around us, or how scary the path may be, because God knows the plans He has for us—plans to prosper us and not to harms us, plans to give us a hope and a future.

I know that God doesn’t want me in a constant state of comfort because I am not as willing to trust and rely on Him. I know that God constantly pushes us so that He can grow our faith and so that He can take us places that we would have never have gone ourselves.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

A Dying Hope

A Dying Hope

We have a basket of hanging flowers by our front door that we purchased in the spring. This has to be the most resilient basket of flowers I have ever purchased. I do not have a green thumb, in fact, I think my thumb is purple—I have no gardening skills or ability to keep plants living for more than two weeks. I do not have any idea how this basket has survived for more than 5 months! Three times I have taken it to the dumpster only to look down and see some fresh buds peeking out, I then turn around, hang the basket back up and wonder how much longer can this thing last?

The irony of it all is that I have a little garden sign that hangs from the basket that says “Hope.”

I laughed to myself the other day when I thought about how silly that must look hanging from a basket of struggling, half-dead flowers. That has been my vision for those flowers though all season, just hoping they would somehow survive.

As in everything that surrounds us, I felt there was a life lesson with those flowers and that sign of Hope. How often do we put our hope in someone or something and yet are unwilling to do any work to help that relationship along or to prepare ourselves for our circumstances? I believe we are to put our Hope in God and that He works all things together for the good of those who seek and follow Him, but I do not think that means that we just sit back and do nothing.

If I do not put the flowers in the sunshine, if I do not water them every day, if I do not pick away the dead pieces to allow room for growth, why then am I so surprised when my purple thumb has killed yet another plant? In the same aspect, if I am not willing to pray every day, seek God’s word for guidance, and live a life that is Holy and upright for Him, how then do I expect to draw closer to God and His purpose for my life?

I know I am guilty of just wanting to cry out to God for healing, for guidance, for blessings and yet I am not willing to take the time everyday to “water” by soul, to grow closer to God, and to pick out the dead pieces within my life to allow for new growth. I want to just place a sign of hope around my neck and pray that it will be enough to grow and flourish in this life.

This was a reality check for me—a funny moment that God used to show me a bigger life lesson. If your life feels like it’s needing refreshed, if you find yourself struggling to grow, if you feel like you are barely hanging on—it’s time to ask yourself if you are using the resources God has given you to grow closer to Him. Salvation is not by works, it is by faith, but faith without works is dead.

James 2:14-24

14 What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? 17 Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

18 But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. 19 You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble! 20 But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead? 21 Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered Isaac his son on the altar? 22 Do you see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made perfect? 23 And the Scripture was fulfilled which says, “Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.” And he was called the friend of God. 24 You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only.

Life Lessons--One Rock at a Time

The other week, my husband asked me if I wanted to go hiking.  I like to take long walks and it was a beautiful day, I was really excited to get to spend some time together and just relax and have a nice conversation while enjoying the great outdoors.

We arrived at the park and grabbed our water bottle and started down the trail.  The temperature was perfect, its still early enough in the season where the bugs are very minimal, and the air was refreshing and the sun was warm.  We took the trail down by the river and we stopped and looked out over how pretty it was and how serene it was to find a rippling stream along our relaxing journey.

We stopped momentarily and as I was ready to head back to the trail, my husband stated that the river was our trail.  My initial thought was, right...I agreed to hiking, not this!  He informed me that this was hiking.  I decided I needed further clarification in the future for what was quickly becoming a miscommunication for our relaxing saturday.  What my husband failed to remember, or maybe in the newness of our marriage, never got told, was that I am extremely terrified of rivers, ponds, lakes, oceans--pretty much any body of water that I can not see the bottom of and that I do not know what else is living within.

I think the disappointment for the day was mutual as I tried to be a trooper for the most part, but had my momentary breakdowns as I tried to jump from rock to rock and imagining every worse case scenario in my head.  We got to the end of the stream (aka ravaging river in my mind) and I thought to myself, okay, you did it, now back to the trail.  Well, the stream led to what became boulders and huge rocks covered with limbs and moss that was an adventure lover's dream leading to a waterfall, but was this girls worst nightmare.  My poor husband was amazing as he was very comforting and encouraging and held my hand every rock of the way.  He would leap from rock to rock a twinkle in his eye and then look at me to follow, only my eyes were filled with tears (which the sunglasses hid, however, the glasses did not cover the sobs) and I thought for sure I was just going to die right there in the middle of a rock, left to be eaten by rabid squirrels.

The waterfall was amazing and breath taking, maybe because of the minor panic attacks I had earlier, but either way it was pretty spectacular to see something in nature that wasn't man made.  After the waterfall though it was time to go back--yep, back to the "trails."  The boulder were still horrific to me but when we reached the river I had this new sense of 'I am woman hear me roar' about me.  The little rocks along the river didn't seem so scary and I had this new determination to tackle them after having tackled the other monster rocks.  I got done and felt this huge sense of accomplishment.

This experience made me think of life and the battles and trials we face each and every day.  I wonder how many rivers and streams I've tackled, jumping over rocks and trying to find my footing, tears falling along the way, telling myself that I can't do it; only then to find that there are even bigger obstacles and bigger rocks to climb, slipper surfaces to grip, and bigger sobs to control.

I think God gives us little battles to build us up for the larger battles of life so that after we get done with the larger battles we can go back and realize that the smaller ones were nothing we couldn't handle and that we actually find strength in adversity.  I think of the obstacles I thought were road blocks back in my younger years and now laugh at my frustrations as I see they pale in comparison to what you face as an adult. I know this will be the case in every period of my life as I look back and laugh at how hard I thought something was or how I saw a boulder when in actuality it was a speed bump.  God knows that we have to be trained, conditioned, loved along the way to face each battle so that we can laugh and so that we can realize that we are more capable then we give ourselves credit for.

So at the end of our adventure we decided to clear up some miscommunications and decided that relaxing and hiking meant two different things to us.  I will always have that adventure to remember, but I think he's on his own for any future river rock excursions.

The Goal

Conquered the Rocks and My Fears

"Hiking"

Beauty in the Eyes of the Beholder

Psalm 139:14  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

When you look at yourself in the mirror today, remember, 

that what you feel is not what God sees.

Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things; and desperately sick; who can understand it?

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

I used to love a Goo-Goo Dolls song called "Slide," it had a verse that said, "What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful."  To me that song meant that you are beautiful, so feel it, live like it.

I pass a mirror a dozen times a day and each time I pass I also pass judgment--always thinking how I could "perfect"something or thinking of someone in particular and wondering why I can't be more like them (if I'm being honest with myself, why I can't be better than them?). I am so scared of others noticing my imperfections that I shy away from boldness and live meekly in fear of criticism.  I was being particularly hard on myself today and I just felt like God said to me, "When you look at yourself in the mirror today, remember, that what you feel isn't what I see."

The heart can not be trusted.  There are a lot of verses in Proverbs that attest to this and it is true.  Our emotions are sin driven, our feelings are sin driven.  We manipulate truth and believe lies and live lives that are in shame or in hiding.

I desire perfection and often measure perfection by flawed standards. God fearfully made me--FEARFULLY- respectfully--He took His time, paid attention to detail and created me in His image.  His works are wonderful and scripture says that we are His workmanship.

Ephesians 2:10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

What you feel on a daily basis is not truth, what you think is lies, who you are can none be understand through the heart because our hearts are deceitful.  You are beautiful, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, this is the promise and truth that you store in your heart, this is what you draw your feelings from.  With this truth we then live a life of Beauty--a life Fearing the Lord.

Some days we have to "fake" confidence.  We have to quiet the lies, remember the truth and live for truth even if we feel bound by lies.  It's a habit, a pattern, a exercise--rising above and living in truth.  One day, it will become so natural that what started out as "fake" becomes engraved in us. The lies quiet and our beauty is loud because we are living lives for God and see ourselves through His eyes and His heart. He is our mirror and what we see when we look into it should be far more beautiful than charm or vanity.

Live Boldly, Live Fearless, Live a Beautiful Life in Christ.

Value

Lately the word value has come to mind.  On a daily basis, sometimes hourly, sometimes minute-by-minute, I am constantly comparing myself to individuals or things.   I am in a constant state of comparison, each thought holding a value by which I judge my worth and my purpose.

As a Christian I have to ask myself, If we are all created in the image of God than why can't I keep my mind rating value based on the qualities I have and how they compare to God?
He created us to be strong, independent, individuals who are uniquely made and yet we are so desperate to compare, to fit-in, and to be conformed to the status-quo or the newest trends.
When did I become this person who needs other individuals to affirm who she is?
When did I stop believing that I am fearfully and wonderfully made?
When did the concept of value become so distorted in my mind that I have enslaved myself to what is around me instead of what is within me?

Tonight I prayed to God to reveal to me how and why I became so enslaved to this desire and need to compare and I feel like He brought to my attention the true definition of value...

1 Timothy 6:11-12
But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue Righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of faith.  Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

Righteousness-- Acting in accord with divine or moral law; free from guilt or sin.
Godliness-- Divine, pious, devout
Faith--allegiance to one's praises; sincerity of intentions; complete trust
Love--attachment, devotion, enthusiasm, admiration
Steadfastness--firmly fixed in one place, not subject to change, determined
Gentleness--mildness of manners or disposition, free from harshness

These are the things of Value, these are the qualities by which to compare, these are the attributes to strive after.  

I may have to read this list a hundred times until it becomes engraved in my mind, but my goal is that when the craving for comparison stirs within; these are the things that  come to mind.

The Things of Value are what keep our eyes to the skies.

20 Minute, 20 Day Challenge

As I read through people's daily Facebook posts, Pinterest boards, magazine articles and television ads, I am realizing a common trend--the 30 minute, 30 Day Challenge for better arms, tighter abs, and a better body.  It seems no matter what you want to fix there is a plan out there that can do it in a month, for just a few minutes of your day.  People are getting enthralled by these plans, especially those who have already seen their New Year's Resolutions bite the dust, who have seen the bathing suits brought out at Target (shudders) and who are desperate for change in their lives.  Don't get me wrong, I find myself pondering these same plans, and who doesn't want stronger arms or flatter abs? But I ask myself, "Where is my focus truly going?"

I felt convicted this morning that our focus is completely altered when it comes to finding our confidence, improving our character, and feeling better about ourselves.  I asked God today what I was doing wrong, why my confidence seems to be the bulls eye of the enemies arrows, and why no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to shake the constant state of dissatisfaction.  I think as women this is something that the enemy especially uses against us, and that somewhere along the road we have come to value ourselves based only on our outward appearance and our ability to compare to those around us.  I felt that God answered my question this morning by simply stating "Draw closer to me, and I will draw closer to you."

I know that if I spent 20 minutes with God for 20 days, my focus would start shifting, my confidence start soaring, and my personality would bloom into the woman that God created me to be.  Our confidence can only be found in God, our power is only as strong as the power we give Him in our lives, and our personalities can only bloom when we are fed by God's word.  I'm trying to find every quick fix in the book, every miracle plan that can give me quick results, and yet I fail to do the one thing that I know will make me stronger than any Sit-up, push-up, marathon PR, or diet plan.

My goal for the next 20 days is to spend at least 20 minutes a day with God.  I want my confidence to be founded in Him, I want my beauty to be defined by His standards, and I want my strength to be unswerving as my testimony proves to others the importance He has in my life.

My hope is that others will see that they are wonderfully and beautifully made by God for a purpose and a plan that goes beyond skin-deep.  Don't get me wrong, I have plans to be healthier, to start a work-out regimen; but I know that until I first make God my priority and draw closer to Him, the enemies arrows will continue to destroy all the work I attempt to do on my own.

Here's to becoming stronger women of God, with a confidence that can not be shaken, and by an exterior that is toned to resist the arrows of the enemy.  Day 1 starts Today!

Understanding

How do we understand when God says wait?

There is a worship song that has the lyrics...
"He gives and takes away, He gives and takes away, my heart will choose to say, blessed be the name."

We want things so badly, we desperately plead with God for answers for understanding, for relief.  There are those moments when we get so excited, we get full of hope and we feel that our prayers have finally been answered; but then in the same breath the hope vanishes and the excitement fades as our answers disappear as quickly as they came.  My first thought in these moments is that I am being punished or that God is being tricky or crafty in playing with my emotions; but my faith requires me to dig deeper and to ask God the harder question of...."Why?"

My last blog was about God's blessings in bringing us comfort and peace, but this blog is directed at the feelings we have when we know God is in control but we don't understand how.  There are blessings God lavishes on us and then there are blessings that God is preparing for us, but that take time.  I know I often feel that if God is not lavishing blessings on me then He must have forgotten about me; but there is a feeling deep inside of me, a level of understanding only stirred by God Himself, that speaks to me and says..."For my ways are not your ways, nor are my thoughts your thought."

I don't know why an answered prayer sometimes gets pulled back up to Heaven but I choose to believe that it is because God has a better answer.  I do not believe that God disappears or that He turns His back on us, but instead I know that God gives us opportunities to grow our faith and to trust in Him so that the true answer to our prayers is not in circumstance but in how we handle circumstances to come.

I believe that all things work together for good when we have given our hearts and our souls to God, but I also believe that our ways are not God's ways and that our thoughts are not always His.

I pray that my heart will always choose to say...Blessed Be The Name, whether He gives or takes away.

The Blessings of God...

God's blessings have been amazing me lately, and not the grand answers to prayer but the gentle voice I hear day after day guiding me, encouraging me, and reminding me that He is there.  I always pray for things, I pray for relief from burdens and hardships, I pray for God to take away what hurts and what is difficult; but I am starting to realize that the true blessings are not in things, they are not in grand gestures.  The true blessing is in feeling God's presence, it is in feeling the warmth of His love, the power of His embrace.  The true blessing is in singing a song of praise and being moved to tears because you are overwhelmed with His strength, you feel His presence in your soul.  The true blessing is in feeling burdened by obstacles and fear and hearing God say to you, my strength is sufficient for you.  The true blessing is being in a new place and praying for comfort and hearing God say, I want to be your friend. 

I am amazed by all that God has been doing in my life, stirring in my soul, but I am most amazed that He has made himself known to me on an almost daily basis. I crave His presence, I crave His voice, I crave His visions for me, I crave to be in His loving arms, in His will--because no matter what may come against me, whatever may threaten me--my confidence comes from a strength not my own and I know that I can overcome.

There has been a specific burden I have been praying about for almost a year and a half.  It has at times felt like it threatened my future, my life, my hope.  I was in Church and trying desperately to find perspective, to be obedient and lay this fear at the feet of God, but sometimes when things are so close to your heart it is hard to find the strength to move them on your own. I had this crystal clear vision, that I can not doubt was God--There I stood, weary, and burdened by this hardship I continually choose to carry but then I saw God stand behind me with His hands just above my shoulders and the burden was there in His hands.  He lifted it off of me and held it for me.  Sometimes we can be obedient and lay our cares and concerns at His feet but then other times He meets us where we are and lifts our burdens for us and says, My power is sufficient for you.  I am amazed that God meets us right where we are, even when we are weak and untrusting--He comes to our rescue.

My prayer is that I will always view the Blessings of God in the relationship I have with Him.  I pray that I never take for granted His presence in the everyday moments of life, that I will always crave His voice in the quiet moments, and that no matter the outcome to my prayers, I will always remember that He holds all things in the power of His hands.

The Blessings of God are all around us.