The Wilderness Within

I crave this wilderness that you have called me to.

I crave this deep dependence to only You.

I do not fear the cries at night or the howls of the dark

because it is only your whispers that I seek out.

You overwhelm me with your presence and 

wash over me with your promise--I am Yours.

My soul longs for this place of stillness, where battles

are being won and bondages are undone.

You have called me to this land of barrenness, 

You have emptied me of all I know,

Filling me with your wonder.

Take me deeper into this wilderness,

call me your child of promise,

lead me out of distraction, 

'till I search for only You.

You are my Promise

Eyes of Strength...

I was looking through my Instagram feed and am always overwhelmed by the number of "motivational fitness" posts that show ladies taking pictures of their biceps, or showing their toned bellies.  Am I the only one that has noticed the irony of the motivational posts always leading to comparison and discouragement?  I've never been one to be motivated through shame (I hear it works for dogs though).

I was running at the gym and when the sun sets the windows become giant mirrors.  (Okay..so where you are supposed to look when you are running right in front of them?  You feel vain if you look at yourself, you feel like a creeper if you watch everyone else...) I couldn't help but notice my reflection in the window and my first instinct was to compare myself to the pictures online and to beat myself up over not being strong enough, toned enough, fast enough...the list goes on and on.

I heard God's voice say "stop." I forced myself to look at myself differently. I took my focus off of my inadequacies and instead looked at my eyes. In those eyes I saw someone that was strong, I saw someone that was determined,  I saw someone that was pushing through the hard times, I saw someone who was rising above and for the first time in a long time....I was proud of that person.

Are we allowed to be proud of ourselves?  I've always been one to push myself to do more, to expect more, to want more.  I have always lived in fear that if I allowed myself to be proud (or heaven forbid even like myself), that somehow I would become lazy, or prideful.  

As women we have this tendency to find our worth or our strength in our accomplishments and our to-do lists.  We measure the quality of our day by the number of check marks and we place our worth on whether or not our lists measures up to everyone else's.  The lists never end and someone always seems to accomplish something new or something more (thank you Pinterest)...the cycle always continues. 

I was standing on that treadmill and I just decided that I was tired of living defeated,

I was tired of constant comparison and the overwhelming fear of not being enough. 

I was weary of beating myself up and forcing myself to do more.

I simply wanted to take a deep breath, smile and feel like I was enough at that very moment.

When you are looking in the mirror---begin to look at yourself differently.  Your strength does not come in toned biceps or a defined belly---your strength comes from the sparkle in your eye that says I am Enough, I can do this, I can conquer this, I will not give up.

You have worked really hard to get where you are today.  Many prayers, sweat, and tears have gone into getting you to where you stand right at this moment, and while it doesn't mean that your journey is done or that you don't have room to grow, it does mean that its okay to be proud of the eyes that look back at you in the mirror.

You are stronger than you think.

So in this new year of goals and lists...make sure to put at the top of your list to be true to YOU.

Find the right motivation and pay more attention to the sparkle in your eyes then your shape or size.

You are Enough...

Isaiah 40:31

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

More than a Glimpse...

Isaiah 40: 3-5

A voice cries:
"In the wilderness prepare the way of the LORD; make straight in the desert a highway for our God. Every valley shall be lifted up, and every mountain and hill made low; the uneven ground shall become level, and the rough places a plain. And the glory of the LORD shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together, for the mouth of the LORD has spoken."

I was really thinking about this verse, trying to dig into the deeper meaning, the symbolism of it's words and its purpose and then it hit me...

I in-vision a video game where all of a sudden a mountain falls and a valley rises to meet it.  I see rocks being destroyed and pot holes being filled.  There is this openness, a vastness, unobstructed and as far as the eye can see.  Suddenly, there is a light--so bright and so powerful, nothing stands in its way--there are no shadows.  Everything illuminates the source and magnifies its radius.  Even though there is emptiness, there is fullness.

I think about the wilderness that I am standing in...what mountains stand in my way?  What are the things in my life that obstruct my view, that keep me in constant shadow?  What valleys lie before me?  What are the areas in my life that are raw and exposed and that need lifted and strengthened?  What are the rocks and pebbles that keep my feet from walking on level ground?  And finally, what are the pits and the holes that need to be filled?

In this place of wilderness--I am preparing the way of the LORD.  I am creating an openness that can be filled completely and overwhelmingly by God and God alone.  This place of wilderness is where God reveals His glory and His presence with no obstruction.

To see your light, your warmth on my face, 

to feel covered and consumed by your power and strength.

I want more than a glimpse.