Burning in the Rain

My hope gets lost in reflections of idealistic joy
These masks and statues of disguise rip apart my pride
Seperating the love one gives from the desires one feels
Love often disguises itself as need for renewl of yesterday's fall
Hope becomes a manipulation of desire for tomorrow's need
Purity of heart and mind is taken at such an early age
Fear and rage seem to be our only saving grace in turning the page
I'm scared to give what I feel I no longer have, to take what is not mine,
and to dream that which will disappear
What is real and what is mirage?
I'm desperate to give my all but I'm so weary from the fall
Passion burns within but I'm a flame burning in a world of rain
I am so scared to give my heart away, so I give it to you Lord to
do with what You may.

As I was typing this a God moment occured and this song started playing--God never ceases to amaze me. In times of loneliness, despair, joy, and happiness--He sits and relishes these moments with His children.

She never slows down. She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down She won't turn around The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down [CHORUS] So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down You stand through the pain You won't drown And one day, whats lost can be found You stand in the rain She won't make a sound Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down She wants to be found The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down. [CHORUS] So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down You stand through the pain You won't drown And one day, whats lost can be found You stand in the rain So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down Stand through the pain You won't drown And one day, whats lost can be found [CHORUS] So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down You stand through the pain You won't drown And one day, whats lost can be found You stand in the rain.
--"Stand in the Rain"
--- By Superchic(k)

Spread Your Wings

I’m like a butterfly trying to spread her wings—fearful that these new appendages won’t withstand flight. She knows only of the ground, her safety net—her security throughout her growth and struggle of becoming who she is. She is supposed to let go—soar without her feet being on the ground, and live this life of freedom away from her cocoon of comfort.

She stands first in disbelief and she finds her footing and spreads her wings wondering how something so light and so fragile can withstand the turbulence and havoc of a world in full motion.

I dare you to move—I dare you to lift yourself up from this fragile ground

Who provides the breeze that pushes all things forward? Who provides the hiding places of sweet surrender when nature becomes more forceful then our own inner battle? Who gives the spirit the courage to raise them one inch beyond where they previously stood?
We find ourselves in flight with the sun as our guide but in darkness we are secured and tucked away from all that is hidden in the shadows.

I feel the warmth on my wings as they spread open, revealing their full colors of humble artistry, I am guided by a force greater than my own, my path is unknown but my destination is all too familiar.

There is no expanse, no flower, no blade of grass that the Creator does not see, that He has not planted, or that He has not breathed life into.

Isaiah 40:31
…but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Waiting vs. Settling

In Church today the Pastor discussed the short comings of individuals today is settling within their lives. Whether it be their faith, their relationships with others, their jobs, or their current physical/emotional state, at times we all have the thought run across our minds that "This is it." Settling brings with it an overwhelming sense of despair and of hopelessness, it is the darkness of depression that begins to shadow one's life with an ever constant sense that nothing you can do will make things any better and therefore you should just give up the fight and deal with the hand you were dealt.

Waiting is a word that you will see multiple times within the scripture:

Psalm 27:14

"Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD."

Often times I find myself getting the term waiting and settling confused. I start out with good intentions of wanting to wait on the Lord but then my human nature creeps in and the Devil preys on my weaknesses and I begin to question and fear that maybe I'm settling. I'm a fighter, I do not like the idea of settling, I am terrified with the concept of settling and often times my human pride pushes me to try to make more of my life because of this deep fear. I hear God say wait, but I question that maybe I am hearing that wrong because God can't want me to be unhappy, He can't possibly want me to remain in a situation that I can not find happiness in.

There is this inner battle every minute of every day of trying to give all things to God and then trying to quiet the doubts and fears within my own mind of giving up the fight. I'm exhausted by the fight though, my spirit is so worn down because of this constant battle I put myself through that after a while, I don't even know what I'm fighting for other than just the act itself. We are creatures of chaos--we've been taught in our lives that we need to be strong, we need to push ourselves, we need to conquer our battles and prepare ourselves for any situation. We put ourselves in constant motion because if our feet are moving, if our arms are strong, if we can outrun our problems then we are winning the fight. But what are we fighting for? What is our focus, our purpose, or deepest desires?

Ephesians 3:20

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..."

We are only settling when we do not trust God with the desires of our heart. As the passage states, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine;" God knows our hearts, He understands our desires, but He also knows our weaknesses and shortcomings within our wants and desires. I long to have faith in a God that knows me better than I know myself, who understands what I'm thinking and feeling when I do not have the words to express myself, I choose to trust in a God who has a purpose for me and a plan for me when I feel that all hope is lost. Waiting on the Lord is the complete opposite of settling because we are not without hope--we instead are putting our hope in someone else's hands other than our own. This act takes the greatest strength any man or woman may posses and defines the very act of faith.

2 Thessalonians 3:5

May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance.

The List

For the past few years I've been obsessed with lists--lists that state who I am, who I hope to become; lists that specified what I wanted and what I didn't want. Lists of boundaries, lists of goals, everything had a place written in ink on a line that could be seen outside of my own mind. I thought for sure that if I wrote it all out it would somehow be more likely to happen, nothing and no one could take it away from me and on days when I forgot who I was, it would be there to remind me, to push and pull me where I needed to go. I was so scared of losing myself, of being misunderstood, over looked, of becoming invisible that it was my plea to prove my value, my importance, my significance in this world.

When you get stuck in a victim mentality, you become fixated on what was taken from you and how you get it back. I've become obsessed with my hobbies, the things I once enjoyed: exercise, photography, writing, television even. They have all become things I feel I have to do in order to prove who I am. To show others that This is Me-This is Who I am--You can't take these things from me because--SEE, THIS IS ME! The problem with this mentality is that it requires an audience--someone who has to see your work, hear your words, feel your strength. Your sense of self is no longer what you project but what you receive as feedback from others.

In times of severe loneliness, we then have no sense of self worth because all that we do is not noticed, what we feel is not heard or seen, and there are no medals or ribbons of praise in what we've accomplished or proved:

Do we lose ourselves in the silence?

Do we lose ourselves in the loneliness?

Do we lose ourselves without the lists?

An Ipod comes programed from the factory, you may modify it, add to it, change it's appearance, but when it becomes "broken" or "in need of a fix" you restore factory settings and it returns to what it originally was--it's core. Things can be added/modified to it once again, but it's core can never be changed except by the creator.

We were made/designed with a core purpose. Our lives, actions, emotions, add and sometimes modify the core's appearance. Who we are--our joys, our fears, our loves and our dislikes can't be taken away, can't be changed. We can lose focus, lose our footing, but we never lose ourselves.

A painting, a book, a finish line, a ceremony, and a list do not make us who we are--they only reflect what is our core.

Life is not about proving who you are, it is about proving that the Creator knows who we are when the world doesn't.

There is beauty in emptiness, there is melody in silence,

there is character in stillness, and there is reason in doubt.