Doors Closing

I find myself stretched in so many directions trying to keep all the doors from closing, but I’m stretched to thin and the darkness is setting in. I flinch in anticipation of the noise that will permeate these walls with the slamming of memories that have been. As if my heart will shatter into two, I stand guarded not knowing what to do. Like a leaf that clings to the tree in the midst of a changing season, I hesitate to let go for fear of the vulnerability and exposure of falling alone.

Hope waits on the opposite side of each door; I strain for understanding but wait for promises. I get pulled back in by doubt and fear locks the key to my heart. A half hearted attempt is all I have to give, stuck in the space of the in-between, waiting to be led but willing myself to move. Strength is not in numbers it is in you, but my head can’t stop the math that my heart feels within.

Eyes closed, I will my heart to make the first move. I dare one foot to be braver than the other, knuckles are white as I hold on tight, and I gasp for air as if it will be my last. Letting go has never been easy to do. Fingers slip from the mold, I’m losing my hold—I’m letting go, willing myself to grow—finding that I can’t breathe, not sure what to believe.

I am broken as I fall into You—nothing left to give but these pieces of broken heart I’ve been holding on to. I am deafened by the sound of silence as doors close with no noise, all that I thought I knew I give to you. Be my eyes in this darkness, my strength in this weakness, be my guide when I want to run and hide. You are my hope, my reason, my dream, take these pieces that are left of me.