Sometimes the journey takes us on a course that leaves us without words, without understanding, and without the resolve to find the deeper meaning behind all that has taken place, all that is taking place, and what these moments mean for future growth. My journey is either lacking words or my brain is lacking understanding, but the only conclusion I can grasp through it all is that sometimes we are just meant to live and not to understand; sometimes there is not a deeper meaning to a struggle other than just surviving the attack. I will be vulnerable in saying that these past two weeks I have been overwhelmed by life lessons I thought I had mastered a time ago. Struggles that I had hoped would be but only a memory, show their face and I am left without words. I can’t help but feel weak and defeated in not heeding my own advice, my own depth from past situations, and somehow not mastering a challenge that I had once found insight in before. I think God does this on purpose, I think he makes us realize that it is not our own insight and analogies that bring healing and growth, but Him alone. He alone brings healing, peace, redemption, and hope. The chapters we write and the journals that collect are just written proof of his faithfulness time and time again through every hill and every valley. I may not have words today but that does not mean that the battle is not being fought and that hope is not being sought. When there are no words, when there is no understanding, we have to hold on to God’s word and in God’s understanding for our lives. We aren’t meant to figure it out on our own, sometimes he wants our undivided attention, our uncompromising trust, and our ability to remain silent when everything inside of us screams out loud to be heard.
Do You Trust Me? He asks again….
What my answer will be is the only word He needs from me.
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