Prayer

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Matthew 21:22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.

1 John 5:14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

I can't help but wonder lately why sometimes the things we pray for seem to go unanswered, why when we pour out our hearts before God, He does not quickly answer.  There are so many verses in the bible that repeat the same pattern of "ask and you shall receive,"  and yet day after day my prayer remains the same.
I wonder how as Christians we should truely be praying.  I am often selfish in my prayers, pleading with God to take away difficulties, struggles, pains, and I wonder if my prayer life should instead be for understanding of God's good and perfect will.

Lately I've felt God remind me time and time again that "It's not always about you."  I think my unanswered prayers are a weakness in my own faith, I wonder often if I am keeping myself from the blessings of God, and yet I keep being reminded that God works for the good in ALL things.  My unanswered prayers could be God working in the hearts of others, of Him preparing  a way that goes beyond my greatest expectations, and of Him allowing the Holy Spirit to stir the hearts of those who have fallen away-- to be turned back through circumstances and situations that I continually pray for.  I often think my prayers go unheard, or unanswered, or that God has turned away from me and yet maybe I am in the very middle of His greatest mission of furthering His kingdom through my prayers and my circumstances.

Today I pray for a matter that has been close to my heart for many months and instead of praying for God to lift this burden and take away this hardship, I will instead pray that His will would be done in all matters concerning this issue and that His kingdom may be furthered greatly because of it.  I pray for a better understanding of trust in relying on God for all my needs and for patience in understanding that it's not always about me and that it is the hearts and souls of others that should be my primary focus. 

My prayer today is that you would reign over everything in my life Lord, that your great power may be evidenced in the circumstances that seem overwhelming and impossible.  Lord, I pray for Your will to be done and not my own.  I pray for a heart like Mary's Lord that is accepting of wherever you take me, through any and all circumstances, to greather further your kingdom, and be used by you in your great mission.

I know my prayer will be ansered today Lord, because I have confidence that All things work together for your good.

Fear is Always an Opportunity to Trust.

Following the voice of God is always the clearest path, but it's usually the most exhausting journey.  It always seems that as you grow closer to God, His voice, and His direction, the more susceptible you become to Satan's lies and snares.  There have been many times lately where I can hear my self say, "I know this is of God but it sure seems to be spiritually, physically, and emotionally draining."  My clear purpose becomes cluttered with worries, fears, and doubts and it becomes an internal struggle to push them aside and to keep my path straight to the destination God so clearly told me to go.

I've heard people tell me, the closer you grow to God the harder the devil has to work at forcing you away.
We are getting ready to make a major move, to start a role in Ministry within a church miles and miles away from our families and friends. While we both know that this is the will of God, each day seems to come with more and more resistance, as the moving date quickly approaches.  Thoughts fill my mind of "what about this, or what about that, or what if this happens, or what if this doesn't happen."  Discouragement, fear, and lies consume my mind and its an every day battle to push them aside and to take that next step boldly in faith.  I don't know all the answers of how things will work or how things will turn out, I don't know all the answers to my questions but I know who holds the answers and I know that His response is never a lie, never a trick, but always a promise of hope.

There is a battle for our minds, there are traps set for our feet, and there are lies being spoken that we must choose what to do with.  Every opportunity to fear is an opportunity to trust.  There is always a choice and there is always a response. My prayer is that my choice will always be quick and that my response will always be the same, "May the peace that passes all understanding guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus."

The journey is certainly exhausting these days but the purpose is clear and I will continue to take each day as it comes and choose to walk boldly in Christ.

The Spirit of Christmas

I was reflecting on the Nativity Story, once again, as the Christmas season approached and I felt that my eyes were opened to two new lessons.  I have heard the story so many times and have always simply focused on the birth of Jesus and the meaning behind his coming to Earth. This year my attention seemed to be focused more on Mary and Joseph's story.  Two individuals, with human hearts, who are placed in circumstances that are beyond most peoples understanding or acceptance, and yet they followed God even when they had not yet seen what Christ's presence on this Earth would mean.  They held on to hope and it was that hope that gave them the strength to overcome circumstances that would change their lives forever.

We usually get in our minds that when God does something important he creates circumstances and surroundings that are full of peace, luxury, and ease; however, in the birth of His one and only Son--the circumstances and surroundings were full of difficulty.  Mary was shamed by her family and her community because they could not understand, yet Mary had to continue to work and to live amongst them throughout the entire pregnancy.
At the birth of Christ, it was a cave or a stable that was meant for animals, where God had her give birth to the Christ child.  It wasn't a luxurious hotel, filled with adoring staff, and a comfortable atmosphere that greeted her, it was yet again another set of circumstances that proved as a test of the Hope that she had in her God.

All of this just really flooded my heart this year and made me wonder if my heart is as willing as Mary's to accept the challenges, the adversity, and the difficulties that may surround when the very hand of God is leading me to His promise and His will for my life?  Am I under the assumption that life will become easy if it's God's will for me to move, to change, to take that next step in His direction? 

The Nativity Story made me think of the word "Perspective." 
It made me understand that God almost always brings about impossible circumstances to show His power, His peace, and His providence in our lives when He asks of us to follow Him and to live out His will for us.
This journey was never meant to be easy but it is the peace of God that passes all understanding and guides our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus.

This Holiday my prayer is that I would have a Spirit of peace in saying to God, "if it is your will Father, then let it be so."

The God of the Universe Holds My Heart in His Hand

I do not have very many memories of my Grandfather but I do have one memory that has always remained close to my heart.  My Grandfather used to come up behind me and place his hands on my shoulder, he would not say a word. He was not aware of his own strength as he would squeeze my shoulders in his powerful grip for what seemed like an eternity. There was just this period of silence and then He would let go and quietly walk away back to His chair.  I don't remember any conversations that we ever had, I don't remember any activities that we shared; He was a man I hardly knew but yet that one memory I have has always solidified His love for me.

God has gripped my shoulders, like a grandfather who does not know His own strength, and yet I feel empowered when all my own power falls to the strength that only He can radiate through me.  There is a calmness in being rooted in a strength that is not your own.  There is a feeling of love, stability, peace, and understanding that passes through a simple touch.  There is a peace when the weight of the world falls back into anothers able hands.   When I fall into His stillness and surrender my desire to move, it is then that I truely feel His grip of strength holding me in, drawing me closer to His heart.

Desperate to carry something--to hold onto something--God reaches out His hand and says--"hold on." There is no mistaking the grip of God.   I often try to wiggle my way away, I think that I could sometimes go farther if I just let go. Like a child with a parent, I just want that independence to let go and do it on my own.  God is faithful in His promise of granting me free-will, and he allows my hand to slip out of His, but He is never far as He watches me run in circles to my own demise.

It is not until I hold on that He can lead me on this journey, that He can guide me into His plan of purpose.  He patiently waits, hand held outward as if He never let go, and He asks, "Are you ready now?" Timidly I put my hand out afraid of His embrace, I fear His frustration with my disobedience but time after time He gently takes my hand, holds it tight in His grip and says...."Okay, lets go."

The Heaviness Inside...

There are moments, sometimes extended periods of time where a simple breath, the simple concept of breathing in and out, feel so labored and so difficult to remember to do. There is a heaviness that sits on top of my chest, a suitcase of fear and frustration, that keeps me pinned down and desperate to fight for an escape, for just one deep breath. The body becomes weary, the mind tired as every effort feels labored and every movement feels forced. There is a fear that consumes --that maybe, just maybe, the strength we need to rise again and again will fail us and we will be left pinned down by all our fears and doubts. This strength we doubt within ourselves is sometimes a doubt in God himself. A doubt that makes us wonder if He hears our cries, if He sees our turmoil, if He will be our salvation from the burdens we bear.

I can’t help but think of a parent with their small child, constantly watching over them, helping them, pushing them to grow, and building their independence. A parent helps their child grow, they supply a safety net for possible failure, but the ultimate goal is to have the child be able to make wise decisions, learn how to pick themselves back up and to learn from their mistakes so that in the future they can better handle situations that arise and are similar.

In my cries out to God, I beg for his rescue—for a quick escape, but more often than not I hear a voice inside that says, “You can do this.” “You have my strength inside of you, I will never leave you or forsake you, but I have given you lungs to breathe—you can take that next breath—just breathe.”

Strength builds with an increase of weight. What once seems like an impossible task, one day becomes a simple accomplishment, as strength grows and weight increases. Perseverance and consistency become the means of growth, the building of strength, and the ability to conquer more.

Our strength is worked out through our perseverance and determination to continually push all oppression aside, to run faster to the voice of God, and to cast all heaviness into the arms of God.

The heaviness we experience is an opportunity to grow in strength and faith.

The Fear in Faith

There is an overwhelming fear at times that comes with completely trusting in something other than yourself and other than what you can control.

Trust is taking down the safety net and taking the leap of faith.

Fear is looking down before you jump and thinking of the 101 possible outcomes that your mind can’t help but explore and become consumed by.

It’s only human nature to want to see and explore all the options, all the possibilities, all the consequences. God created us to be individuals, people who can think for themselves, feel unique emotions, and make choices all on our own. He understand what is at stake when he asks us to trust in Him, He understands how our minds work, He understands the difficulty in handing over control. He gives us free will so that we understand the importance of our choices, so we can feel what it means to truly be free. I think deep down we all know the choices that lay in front of us and whether we will admit it or not—we know the consequences of those choices. It is our own selfishness, our own desires, and our own need for control that keeps us from taking the leap and forces us to stand on the edge always looking down and wondering-- will this ever work? We are the ones that keep ourselves from the freedom that God so freely offers.

Freedom always comes with a price. Our Country was founded and built by generations who fought to make it what it is today; individuals who understood what it meant to set aside selfishness for the greater good of freedom. Freedom does not come easily, it is a choice. It takes work to build and it takes even more work to sustain. Faith is freedom. God just handed us our freedom—He has it in His hand, holding it out to you, and asking you to take the leap. It is not through our own work or through anything we have done that he offers it to us. Freedom is our Gift from God. Our gift to God is trusting Him in our freedom, it is in giving him control when it is difficult, and it is in keeping our freedom maintained through living out our faith daily. Our worship is in trusting Him when everything in us tells us to step back, it is in taking that leap without looking down, it is in fighting for freedom when the chains of doubt threaten to hold us down.

God says Fear Not but He also knows that we will fear. He does not say that there won’t be fear, He just tells us to not look down—to keep our eyes focused on Him, to take the leap without the chains holding us back, and to live out our faith with freedom.

There is fear in faith but God says…Fear Not.

Power of God in the Purpose of our Words

My Prayer today is that the words of my mouth may sing your praises

And that your power in my life would be evident in all that I say.

It is said that the eyes are the window to the soul and lately I am learning that it is the tongue that is the mirror to our faith. There is power in words. God gave us a voice to speak, He gave us authority to proclaim, and He gave us knowledge to form our words wisely. I have felt convicted lately for the words that have been leaving my lips. The words that I have uttered have been words of pride, words of fear, words that have torn others down, and words that have failed in giving God the glory He deserves. When I look back and try to find the reasoning behind those words, the reason is simply a heart wayward from God and a mind determined to glorify self instead of God.

Proverbs 17:27
The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint,
and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.

If we have a strong faith in God, if our identity and our purpose are found in God alone and not in people or things of this world, if the measure of our success is based on the leading of the Holy Spirit in our life, then there is no need to speak words or create noise to bring attention to ourselves. The words of our lips, the actions of our hands, and the direction of our feet should bring glory to God and should be evidence of His work in our life. He should be our voice in times of doubt and affliction and the restraint we practice should be the proof of the knowledge and understanding that we have in our creator, God.

We have the power of God to use our voice to reveal His power and presence in our life.

Proverbs 19:1
Better the poor whose walk is blameless
than a fool whose lips are perverse.

Our wealth and our worth radiate in the peace of our hearts and the restraint of our words. True faith is allowing God to speak through you, the Spirit to guide you, and to make your own words few so that you do not miss an opportunity to be used by God-- to be His voice to the lost, the hurting, and those needing encouragement.

In my life I hope that I can find rest in the quiet, that my words can be few so that I can better hear the voice of God and so that I have every opportunity to encourage and impact the lives of those around me with His words and not my own.

Opportunities of Faith

We draw from experience in understanding the things that are unfamiliar to us. Our human logic can’t help but plan our journey for tomorrow based on the path’s of yesterday. We long to understand, we desire to relate and to make sense of all that is unfamiliar and unknown to us.


I find more often than not when I’m discouraged by life, when I’m hurt by those that are close to me, when confusion settles, and when hurt permeates; I am also discouraged in my faith, feel hurt by God, confused by His purpose and hurt by His distance. I compare God to those that I look up to in life, I compare my faith to what I understand here on earth, I base my knowledge and logic on the examples and experiences that I encounter on a daily basis. We compare what we know with what we can’t comprehend.

While I have felt God’s presence in my life, I have not physically sat across from Him in a coffee shop talking about my feelings, my passions, sharing with Him who I am and being able to look in His eyes and see Him physically next to me. When God says, “I will provide,” I compare His provisions to the examples in my everyday life of those who tell me they will provide—whether that be a parent, a spouse, a boss, a friend. When God says, “I love you and will never leave you,” I can’t help but compare that to those I once trusted, those I trust now—both positive and negative in my life. We put God in the box of our own understanding based on the earthly examples and experiences we have lived through and built our experiences from.

A Faith based on the comparisons of earthly experiences strips God of what makes Him the one we worship, the one we praise, the one we believe in. When I am disappointed and hurt by God I have to step back and ask myself if I have made something else the god of my life, and if I am basing my feelings and devotion to the things of Heaven or the things of earth.

Why would we follow after a God who isn’t bigger or more powerful than our own human logic and understanding? There is no point in a God if our belief does not allow for Him to break the mold of our own comprehension. We follow a God who is bigger than the hurt and mistakes of those that are around us, we follow a God who does not compare even to the greatest of examples in our own life.

Faith is the belief in the things unknown; in the things we can’t comprehend, in the things we have no understanding or experience to draw from. We may never sit across from God physically in a coffee shop but there are moments in my life when I have felt the presence of God. I know this without a shadow of a doubt because His presence, His moments with me, exceeded and went beyond any understanding or experience I could ever draw from knowing on my own. It’s in the moments that we cannot understand, it is in the moments where the hurt feels more than we can bare, it is in the moments when the loneliness overwhelms, that God breaks down the barriers of our heart. He says…I am more, I am greater, I am bigger than any feeling you have, any comparison you make; I am the God who brings peace that passes all understanding and who reveals Himself to you when all is silent and when all hope seems lost.

God cannot be compared. When you don’t understand, when you can’t comprehend, when you can’t make sense of the senseless---those are the opportunities for Faith and to allow God to fulfill His promise to you that He is greater.

The Beauty of Blessings

The breathing slows, the heart beats in stride, eyes are opened, and the world slowly comes out of its fog. Inspiration stirs, hope overwhelms, joy floods the soul that was once heavy with defeat.


These are the signs of Peace… A Peace that passes all understanding, A peace that overwhelms until it takes complete control and transforms you.

Peace is a blessing we take for granted, it is an achievement few will ever find, and it is an emotion that transforms one from being a vessel of emptiness to a vessel of use and purpose. We chase after dreams, we fight after desire, we push and we pull for yesterdays regret and tomorrows promise. We are in constant motion with no destination—we are the chaos we desire to be rid of. We are in deep desire for rest, for peace, for the world to slow down all around us long enough so we can feel a part of something rather than passed by.

The world is still…we are the motion…we create the blur.

Peace creates the clarity; it opens our eyes to the stillness of beauty. Contentment can only be reached when we allow peace to open our eyes, when we finally see all that surrounds us, all that we are a part of. Contentment isn’t letting go of the dreams for tomorrow but it is in surrendering our hope for tomorrow in God’s hands. God gave us hands for today—hands to work, hands to love, hands to create, hands to inspire. He holds our hand to lead us to tomorrow but he gives us freedom in today to take advantage of all the blessings he invests and gifts us with. He longs for us to create and to build upon what He gives to us—He trusts us with His creation to make more out of less and to build blessings that overflow from our own hands and into the hands of those all around us.

I know more often than not I am so busy trying to pull God into tomorrow that my hands are not free to work, love, create, inspire, and bless those around me today. My blessings do not reach their potential and more often than not I find that I cannot be trusted with what God so graciously gives to me each and every day. After experiencing peace, I crave it; after understanding contentment, I desire it. I want my eyes to be opened to the blessings that surround me. I want God’s peace so that I can capture the opportunities of today. I want my life to be more than a blur. I want pictures of my life to reflect vivid colors, faces that are crisp and clear, and experiences that can never be forgotten or misunderstood by all that witness the snapshots of my life.

Are you willing to let go of control to find contentment? Are you willing to embrace God’s freedom of today and let Him hold the hope of tomorrow? Are you ready to experience peace that passes all understanding and to be a person of purpose?

May your blessings overflow to all those that are around so that their lives can in turn be blessed by God’s measure and never that of our own.

The Battle of Faith and Trust

Today I've spent some time reflecting on what causes the stresses and frustrations of life to creep in and consume every aspect of my rationale.  Faith and Trust.  


I've come to realize these two words affect my everyday life as well as my spiritual life.  By nature I have a very hard time trusting people and putting my faith in others.  I've always been a..."if you wanna do it right, do it yourself" kinda girl and lately I'm learning that if you hold these two qualities back from life, they in turn hold you back.

A marriage struggles when you do not have faith in your partner and when there is an issue of trust; friendships and relationships struggle when you keep yourself at an arm's distance from becoming involved and commited; your relationship with God becomes fragmented when your faith is lacking and when trust is kept in your own hands.  In order to grow in life, in order to grow closer with others, and in order to succeed in our marriages, our church communities, in our businesses, we have to be able to practice faith and trust.  I think the biggest epiphony i've had in this all is realizing that more often than not I hold back faith and trust in myself.  I don't trust myself with my own feelings or decisions and I don't trust that I am a person of worth or of purpose.  How can you learn to trust others and grow in your faith when you can't even practice it with yourself?  I think, in stepping back, its easy to see that if you have lost faith in yourself and have lost trust in yourself, then your focus on God has shifted and your faith and trust in Him has crumbled.  Our example of ultimate trustworthyness, and practice of ultimate faith are consumed and entrusted to God--when our eyes fall from Him, our confidence in ourself and others also begins to fall.

Trust God first with all things.  Put your Faith in God before all else.  If your heart and your head are fixated on God, your decisions and emotions will be affected and guided by Him.  Confidence comes in knowing our purpose and the only way we can know our purpose is to know God.  If we are confident in who we are then we will not feel threatened by others and we can have faith and trust that God holds His plans for us in his hands and that others can not take that from us. 

Where is your focus?  I know lately mine has been shifted downward, I have put control in my own hands and have felt that others may keep me from getting to where I need to be and want to be.  This way of thinking has only caused hostility, discontent, and frustration.  I have kept myself from accomplishing my dreams and goals because ultimately they are not mine to hold on to so tightly.  Scripture says, "For I know the plans I have for you..."  it also says "In his heart a man plans his course, but it is the Lord that determines His steps."  The control is not in our feet, not in our hands, not in our own will but it is in the hands of God, the path of His purpose, and in His ultimate Will.  When you realize that you are not threatened by the world around you, when people and things can not steal your joy, and when your purpose can not be taken from you by mere mortals--it is only then that we can live in the confidence that God hopes we can obtain through Him.

Wealth of Contentment

Ecclesiastes 5:18-20

 ¹⁸ This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them—for this is their lot. ¹⁹ Moreover, when God gives someone wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil—this is a gift of God. ²⁰ They seldom reflect on the days of their life, because God keeps them occupied with gladness of heart.

A content heart is worth more than the riches of this world.  When we rely upon God for our needs, desires, wants, and well-being we rarely find discontent or dwell on the burdens and hardships around us; our focus is purely on God, which blinds us from the distractions of unsettledness. 

It seems there are those times in our lives where we are living pay check to pay check, when every penny of our money is allocated for this or that and we wonder if we will ever be able to move forward with all our hopes and dreams if we are busy working today paying for yesterday.  A discontenment grows in my heart, a frustration for all my hard work builds, and I quickly feel defeated wondering to myself--How can I possibly do more?  The problem with this question is one little letter... "I."   How can I do more?  Verse 20 above states "They seldom reflect on the days of their life, because God keeps them occupied with gladness of heart."  A neat way of thinking is, We work for God and God works for us.  This is not meant to mean that we are above God but that He is working in our lives, for us, because he wants us to be filled with gladness of heart, he wants us to be full of wealth, and contentment.  The problem is that we don't see things through God's eyes, our focus is always on ourselves and our definition of wealth comes in the form of money, posessions, and wants instead of complete reliance on God and the wealth of finding peace in the abundance of God's grace.

We have the capability to be blessed by God on a daily basis...

¹⁹ Moreover, when God gives someone wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil—this is a gift of God.

When we accept our lot and when we are happy in our toil, this is a gift of God.   Contemenent is a gift from God and we have that ability each and everyday no matter the outcome of our day or the joys or hardships we face.

Have you ever considered that sometimes God not giving you the desires of your heart is wealth?  This sounds so backwards but have you ever looked back and thought to yourself, I'm so glad "that" didn't work out.  The thing you wanted so badly, the tears you shed over a lost dream, were later revealed to be harmful or hurtful to your life and your well-being.  The timing of conceiving a child, the purchase of a new home, a job that you got passed over for, etc, etc...  God knows and wants what is best for our lives--this statement is hard because trusting God for what is best isn't easy and it's not without frustration. 

Ecclesiastes 5:2

2 Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God.

God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.

Contentment is a trust in God and trust is the hardest part of our faith.   Faith is our gift to God and contentment is His gift to us.

Character is a Window

I loved the following two quotes from my reading in Anonymous.....

"I feel that trials do not prepare us for whats to come as much as they reveal what we've done with our lives to this point."
"The choices of her yesterdays were revealed through the window of her responses to her current trial. In other words, trials tell us less about our future than they do about our past. Why? Because the decisions we make in difficult places today are greatly the product of decisions we made in the unseen places of our yesterdays."  (Anonymous...Chole)

Character is a Window

Character---who we are today despite what happened to us yesterday, the choices we make for tomorrow based on who we've grown to be today.  Everyday is an opportunity to grow, to build and develop our character--to become our destiny.  We see ugly, we feel pain, we act out or pull away from God, but true character recognizes opportunities for growth and sees the change we strive to achieve in the moments after the ugly.

I find difficulty sometimes as an excuse, as a way to justify my own ugliness--but there is no excuse because character builds up and does not tear down (and that includes how you treat yourself).   I can get fixated on the past, try to find clarity in the chaos I can't understand, to justify who I am and how I feel based on the strings of the past. The emphasis needs to be on rising above and overcoming the doubt because how we respond today, in this moment, is our defining moment.

I've always loved the saying, "Worry is wasted opportunity to trust God."  What if we made sayings of
"Fear is wasted emotion to live boldly in Christ"
"Jealousy is a wasted emotion to feeling complete in God"
"Anxiety is a wasted moment to be led by God's strength and not that of our own"
The key words in all of these is "wasted" "opportunity"
Our character determines how we make the outcome of the opportunities we face every day, there are no excuses just wasted opportunities.

I am constantly growing but only I can determine the direction of my growth. My prayer is that I continue to rise every day and move forward, closer to God and farther from my selfishness of the past.
I want my story to grow, to build; I want a clear start and a clear ending.  I want my character fully developed.  I want all who read my story to flip through the pages and affirm that who I am at the end of my life was an individual who used every opportunity to grow and get closer to my perfect ending of...
"well done my good and faithful servant."

The Process of Purpose

Our tendency is to only hide things that are shameful or incomplete or insignificant.
Consider human conception. Life commences in the dark warmth of the womb.  God knits us together there with infinitely creative hands concealing from our curiosity his most mysterious act of creation. Unseen? Yes. Unimportant? Not remotely...Or consider the growth of a plant. Before a gardner can enjoy a plant's fruit, she must tenderly and strategically attend to its root.  So a plant's birth begins with its burial. The gardner commits a generally unremarkable seed to the silence of the soil, where it sits in stillness and lightlessness, hidden by the smothering dirt.  Just when it appears as though death is imminent, its seeming decay reveals new life.  The seed becomes less and yet more of its former self, and in that transformation takes hold of the darkness and reaches for the sun.  All that is to come rests greatly upon the plants ability to tightly and sightlessly develop roots in unseen places. (Anonymous... by Alicia Britt Chole)

I consider the flower in the darkest of places, planting its roots even deeper into the soil, in no hurry but waiting for just that right moment to reveal itself for that ever so short amount of time where we capture it's beauty, its fragrance, and its addition to the earth's canvas. 

I feel God is revealing to me my impatience, my inability to be still, and my fear of growing in the shadows of life.  Lately I feel time passes before me and obligations, responsibilities, errands, and work capture all my time so that by the time I finally get a chance to sit down, my eyes are so heavy that the next thing I hear is an alarm reminding me of my next obligation.  O how I long for selfish time--for mornings sitting drinking coffee, journaling, creating, feeling inspired.  Lately, I feel I've lost a part of myself.  Writing doesn't come as easily, its hard to find inspiration, creativity seems like something I try so hard to achieve instead of feeling it radiating through my mind and my fingers.  

When time seems to pass by at a pace we can't keep up with, it seems we have to schedule passion and purpose.  More often then not it begins to feel forced, it begins to be more about the end result then it is about the process.  We get the idea that it is the end result that defines us and gives proof to who we are. I think I'm so focused on the end result anymore that I don't give myself time to enjoy the process.

I've always liked to take things piece by piece, take my time creating, experimenting, working through ideas and yet I'm so focused on the end result and get so frustrated with myself that I can't visualize a plan.  The joy had always been in the journey and somehow my focus got shifted where I have felt that the journey has been keeping me from my purpose.  Life has become like this--I get so fixated on the end result that I can't give myself the time I need to develop and enjoy the process. I find frustration in not accomplishing the task rather than enjoying each step that gets me closer to it.

I decorated my apartment piece by piece.  It was fun to see it grow in front of my eyes 'till one day everything worked together and I wondered to myself, "wow, how did it all pull together?"   When taking photos its 5 bad photos for every good one and sometimes its an hour of walking, observing, thinking before you find the one moment/instance that makes you realize the investment was worth it.  Scrap-booking, quilting, writing, running are all most successful when i spend my time planning, thinking, anticipating, experimenting.  Because the goal is not the finished product but the story behind it.

So in this moment of self discovery I've realized a profound lesson.....Give Yourself Time.
Allow for the process, enjoy the journey and stop putting the success on the finished product but on the details that it took to get there.  Allow yourself to be selfish, take your time and put your mark on things. This life will pass you by but in the end its your story that reveals your purpose.

The Melody of Silence.

However, when we state our desires to "be like Jesus" we are not referring to Jesus' anonymous years. " I want to walk like Jesus walked and live like Jesus lived," is generally not equated in our hearts with "I want to live 90% of my life in absolute obscurity!" (Anonymous, Jesus' Hidden years...and yours by Alicia Britt Chole)

I find myself in constant comparison, desperate to find something to measure my life to that of others.  Wanting and hoping that somehow I'm on the right track and that my life is moving in the direction that society labels acceptable.  I struggle with wanting a house, a newer car, wanting a baby: non of which are bad things to want or dream of. However, the problem I find is that I long more for fitting in with the status-quo then I do with finding contentment in who God made me to be and where He has placed me today.  I compare and I envy and I wonder if so and so is somehow more successful or has more worth than me. You try to make the right decisions and follow after God but sometimes the right choices for our lives are lived in silence, are practiced through patience, and are evidenced by stillness.  A friend asks you consistently, "when are you having a baby?" and you cant help but wonder if there is something wrong with you for not having an answer.  You see others moving into new houses, getting new jobs, taking exciting trips, and accomplishing impressive goals but sometimes the greatest accomplishments can not be evidenced by the human eye.

Waiting on God, I feel, is one of the hardest exercises of faith.  It can take many seasons of silence and obscurity before God brings in His perfect timing the desires of our heart. We live our lives showcasing character by status updates and accomplishments, but true character is developed and displayed in the quiet--in the silence--in the waiting, when there is no physical evidence to our effort except our consistent character of faith in relying on God.

"What would Jesus do?" we ask sincerely. Well, for starters, he embraced a life of hiddeness. As we will soon see, Jesus's hidden years empowered him to live an enternally fruitful life."

The silence prepares us for the noise of life and in God's timing both create the musical symphony of life.

Hidden with Purpose

Have you ever felt hidden? Have you ever moved to a new place or entered a new environment where no one knew who you were, what you could do, or what dreams ignited your soul? Hidden hopes. Hidden dreams. Hidden gifts. All of us are acquainted with chapters in life when our visible fruitfulness is pruned back, our previously praiseworthy strengths become dormant, and our abilities are unnoticed by the watching world. Like a flower whose budding glory is covered up by wet leaves, we sense the weight of hiddenness in our hearts and whisper, “I have so much more to give and be.”
--“Anonymous Jesus Hidden years..And yours” by Alicia Britt Chole

This passage brings understanding to many of the feelings I face. Feelings of anger, resentment, frustration, fear, unworthiness, and eagerness for something new. I find myself unable to pinpoint what has me consumed by such negativity when life around me doesn’t appear to the outside eye to be a time of hardship or inconvenience. How many times have we worked a job, complained, and heard someone say, “hey, it’s a paycheck.” While you knew that statement was true and that you should be grateful, there just is this feeling deep inside that makes even a blank check feel like not enough.

We want to be individuals of purpose. We want our value to go beyond a printed check and a collection of possessions. We long for worth. The reality is that while we feel angry towards our jobs, our bosses, our spouses, our current situations, the real person we are most angry with is ourselves. We are frustrated that we aren’t doing more, being more, and feeling more. We long to push ourselves further and yet always feel held back. We are under the misconception that it is through our own doing that our worth is revealed. If I just got noticed more at my job, if my boss just realized how much I do, if I just ran that extra mile, if I just helped out a little more. We measure worth by doing and purpose by motion.

The Book “Anonymous” dives into that feeling of being invisible, hidden, held back, it brings a Christian perspective to our worldly frustration and it brings to light the reality that nothing is hidden from God. I’m going to go through this book each day, mostly as a “self-help” awakening for myself but hopefully for anyone else that read this too—the ability to find more to our lives and who we are then just what the world sees.

I know I have so much more to give and to be and I spend so much wasted energy in trying to project that to the world around me. The frustration , stress, and exhaustion of daily life comes in not being heard, not being seen, in trying to prove your worth and showcase your talents and yet realize that this world is both deaf and blind to who we are. Is it enough to know who you are? Is it enough to know that God knows who you are? The fear and frustration come in our inability to trust God with our hopes, dreams, and gifts. Trust in God brings contentment with life and a hope for who we were destined to be.

Pray for Rain...

There are posts I write that come from God working in my life, from hearing his voice along the journey, and in learning lessons in the day to day process.  This post is a bit different because sometimes there is a longing in your heart and mind for understanding.  Each day holds opportunity for growth and for lessons learned, but sometimes there aren't these great revelations of wisdom, sometimes, there is just an emptiness in the unknown.   Lessons in trust, lessons in letting go, lessons in waiting are difficult to practice.  The day to day of these tests can become overwhelming and discouraging.  Its a fight to keep your mind on the goal, to keep your eyes focused on what is ahead and to keep your heart directed to who is above.  Some days it takes all my energy and strength just to remain in control of my wondering thoughts, my heavy heart, and my discouraged emotions.  It doesn't take much to sometimes ask yourself, is God really in control of all this?  Does God really know the desires of my heart?  Is there really someone up there whose will is greater than those on earth?  The answer is Yes, but there are days when you have to continue the practice of rising above, pushing away the doubts, and remaining strong in the truth.

I write all this not to be negative or discouraging but to be honest and hopefully encouraging, because there are days when wisdom is not revealed, when a lesson isn't understood, and when my spirit isn't soaring in understanding.  There are days when the lesson is just to believe--and those are the hardest days of all. 

It hasn't rained here for so long that the grass is a golden yellow, the ground longs for rain to grow, to flourish, to be healthy.  A few months ago it wouldn't stop raining, everything flooded and the ground was too wet to plant the crops and for flowers to take root.  Life is sometimes about extremes and while we desire rain and while we desire dryness there has to be a fine balance of both in order for growth to occur.  We often find ourselves in waiting for one or the other, we build a hope for what we need, and in the mean time we rely on God to bring the nourishment we need to grow.

A total dependence on God is the hardest practice of our faith.  In days of drought and in days of flood our heart cries out for help.  God hears our cries he just doesn't always bring about the comfort in our desired time.  Today is a post of crying out to God for wisdom and direction, it is a plea for Hope. It is in posts like these that the later ones of wisdom show the fruitfulness of God and the harvest that he provides for.
I continue to pray for rain....

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time

we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Galatians 6:9

A little encouragement from God...

I want you out of your comfort zone, so that when you move forward, 

you know that it is only through me.

Do not fear the unsettledness....

It states consistently in scripture to “fear not” and that fear is not of the Lord, but I wonder in times when God is stretching your faith if it is so wrong to feel out of your comfort zone.


I have complete trust that God’s ways far exceed my own and that He holds my future and my passions in the palm of His hand and while I hand over control to His perfect will, I can’t help but often have an unsettled feeling within my gut of uneasiness. It’s only in honesty that I admit that trust is often difficult, often uncomfortable, and always a leap of faith beyond my own human understanding.

I beat myself up in confessing my concerns, being honest about my worries, and for acknowledging my unsettledness in the process of trust, but at the same time I wonder if I did not feel this way if it would really be real? Faith is a choice, trust is a choice—these two things do not come easily to our human nature and so the discomfort that I feel I have to forgive and realize that though I’m human, I am giving to God what is hard to do with these human hands.

I think that is the downfall to Christianity, we get under the mindset that once we give things over to God that life is just easy and that the feelings of doubt, concern, and discomfort are forever gone. It is undeniable that when we do give control over to God that the doubt, concern, and discomfort are also filled with peace because it is His control that brings us hope that there is safety and purpose. It is not easy by any means. Very rarely do the things that mean the most to us get simplified into the category of “easy.” It’s hard to hand over your passions, your desires, your wants, but God never said that faith was easy. He instead says to not fear, knowing that as humans we would constantly face this in our day to day lives.

Fear will come, there is no doubt about that, but the comfort we can take is that the Lord understands our human hearts and minds and He is patient and understanding, constantly reminding us to “fear not.” He says it over and over, not to beat us up for our weakness, but to encourage us and to consistently place in our minds his voice saying, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world (John 16:33).”

The Path Before You

What are you running towards?

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it.

Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. they do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.  So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

I had my first race, I remember the excitement as we were all gathered together, hundreds and hundreds of fellow runners all corralled together waiting at the starting line.  There was this feeling of awe standing there, feeling apart of something great.  Each person different, their size unique, their look unique, but their goal the same--to cross the finish line.  

The gun went off and we all started at our own paces, our own strategies, our own goals.  Of course there were those that took off at lightning speed that I never saw again, but then there were those that kept a steady pace with me. We took step by painful step together but there was comfort in knowing that we all drew encouragement off each other's determination.  There were those that stood on the sidelines offering their encouragement, perfect strangers with no connection to me other than a deep desire to applaud and push me one step closer to the ultimate goal.  It was an amazing feeling, being surrounded by so many strangers and yet feeling apart of something bigger than myself.

I was reaching the end, I could see the finish line in front of me.  It was possibly 25 more feet and as my legs and feet were tired, the reality of the goal in front of me pushed me with an adrenaline I didn't know I possessed.   A fellow runner was beside me, keeping perfect stride with me, he would push a little faster and then I would push a little faster.  He then continued to push faster and faster, I was getting confused at this point because I couldn't understand why he was so determined to pass me.  The irony of the race was that it wasn't until after I crossed the finish line that I realized this was a race and that the man beside me was determined to come first.  I laughed at my obvious misunderstanding.  This however was a perfect lesson to what God shares in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27.  We all run towards a prize, we all exercise self-control, we all have a goal we are striving towards.  

I often remind myself of this memory because in that race i was content just to keep my own pace, just to cross that finish line of my own self-control, and to be in awe in the company of those sharing the same goal with me.  I lose focus of this in my everyday daily life.  I find myself constantly trying to surpass and beat those around me, I lose focus of the goal and just run aimlessly, and instead of drawing encouragement from those around me, I tend to find them as threatening to my race.   

Life is our ultimate race.  Heaven and fellowship with God is our ultimate goal.  The body of believers is our company, our encouragement, those who share our strides as we run towards the same goal.  Our paths may not all be the same, our pace may not be the same, our look and our style may not be the same, but we all start at the same place and we all hope to end at the same place.  We all share in something great, we are all apart of something bigger than ourselves, we are all athletes training ourselves to become stronger.

So I ask myself how is it that in that race I kept my eye on the prize, I kept myself from distraction, and I was content to run my own race and not to allow those around me to distract me from the victory of merely crossing the finish line;  yet when it comes to the race of life, my eye often loses sight of the prize, I allow every distraction to keep me from running with purpose, and I am so focused on running faster than those around me then in getting to the goal at my personal best?

What are we running towards???  The purpose will shed light to the journey.

Hope

God arrives when all seems hopeless because it is then, in that moment, that His purpose becomes a miracle that can not be explained away.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

1 Thessalonians 1:3 We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

1 Peter 3:15 - ... Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have...

By the word of our testimony...

Revelation 12:11

They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony;

they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.

Skeptics may debate the validity of Scripture or argue the existence of God, but no one can deny your personal experiences with him. When you tell your story of how God has worked a miracle in your life, or how he has blessed you, transformed you, lifted and encouraged you, perhaps even broken and healed you, no one can argue or debate it. You go beyond the realm of knowledge into the realm of relationship with God (christianity.about.com/od/testimonies/a/howtotestimony.htm).

Every day is unique and different but yet looking back they all seem to blend together, life becomes a blur, and before we know it time passes us by and we quickly forget the journey that took place to get us to where we are.

Just recently I have witnessed God’s hand in my life, His grace, blessings, providence, and purpose. Some days I have felt him so close that I was consumed by His presence, in awe of His glory; and then there are other days where I am consumed by worry, anxiety, and my own earthly desires. We all have a doubting Thomas within us, how quickly we forget and how quickly we allow God’s awesomeness to be overshadowed by our fears of earthly defeat.

Civilizations build statues to commemorate significant moments in history, time capsules are accumulated to show generations to come what was once important, documentaries are made to tell of one’s life and accomplishments, and books are written in hopes of capturing feelings and emotions that will one day describe to an audience what was felt, seen, and heard.

We are a nation that is quick to forget, a nation that relies on these statues, capsules, documentaries, and books to remind us of where we once were, how far we’ve come, what sacrifices were once made, and what examples we can use from the experiences before us.

We rely on scriptures to enforce the values that we experience today, we use the words of men and women, inspired by God, to draw encouragement and hope from. How many times do we search for articles or messages from others of faith to help us along in our journey? We all possess the ability to encourage, to give hope, and to enforce God’s presence among us because God is at work in all of us. He is not just the God of ancient history, but a God that is so evident and working in His creation today that each one of us can write a testimony proving the existence of God and the unique experiences we have encountered in developing a personal relationship with Him. We can not only encourage those who will one day read our testimony to draw encouragement from, but we can also remind ourselves again and again of God’s faithfulness in our lives, His divine design for us and that He is continually working within us.

How quickly we can forget, how often we need reminded, but each one of us posses the proof that God is at work in each of us. We all have a testimony and it is with that testimony that we can overcome.

In the hands of the potter...

I went and had the opportunity to watch a man shape and create pottery. He sat behind his spinning wheel, with the clay spinning round and round, and his hand the only instrument in shaping and creating his vessel of choice. He made it seem easy as he gently added pressure and took away pressure in creating just the right shape, thickness, and functionality to this piece of pottery. He took out a measuring device to make sure that the thickness of the pot was just right, but after so many years of creating these vessels, he knew by sight what was right. It seemed to take no time at all to see this pot take shape, and to see it from start to finish beginning as a simple lump of clay and ending as a piece ready to be of function.

This of course brought to mind the scriptures where God is the potter and we are the clay. Such a simple analogy but yet deep in its application and thought provoking lessons.

Isaiah 64:8
Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Romans 9:20-21
But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’” Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?

Jeremiah 18:5-6
Then the word of the LORD came to me saying, “Can I not, O house of Israel, deal with you as the potter does?” declares the LORD. “Behold, like the clay in the potter’s hand, so are you in My hand, O house of Israel.”

Clay is an inadament object, it does not have free-will, and it does not have emotions or physical abilities to move on its own. It’s fun to watch the potter at work because he has complete control of the clay. It is the potter’s own will and his own physical ability to shape the clay and the clay is formed by his complete control.

We are the clay but we have free-will, we have the ability to wiggle, to move, to resist the potter’s shaping. God often has us on the wheel, He has his hands on us, shaping us, forming us, creating us to be something of beauty and of use. We always want to move, always want to get off of His wheel, trying to avoid His hands. Our movements create weakness within the clay, His perfect shaping is made weak not by his own hands but by our desire to move away from his shaping. Like any good potter, he then has to start over because the integrity of the entire vessel is compromised by weakness in one area of the vessel.

How many times do we disrupt the beauty of the potter, the awe of His creativity by compromising His work and by making him begin anew in breaking us down, re-forming us and then re-shaping us. How patient is he that he does not just throw us aside and begin working on a new lump of clay, one that is more cooperative and willing to be shaped and formed. It is my own weakness that often creates the delays in life that I see as struggles but it is God’s patience and creativity that continually re-shapes me, strengthens me, and works within me to begin again and again stronger than the time before.

Encouraged by Community

Christianity is a sense of community, a body of believers; their purpose other then ultimately following and worshiping God together is to encourage, strengthen, and uphold one another in the values and truth's of God's word.  Sometimes we are the ones speaking the truths and forming the words to encourage others, but other times it is the word of a Christian brother or sister who encourages us and strengthens us and roots us again in God's promises and truths.  While, these words I'm about to share are not uniquely mine, they are from God because they are the words my heart has been needing to hear.  My hope in sharing these is to pass along the encouragement and truth of God working in His children, in His Church, and in His body of believers.

J. Hampton Keathley III writes in his article Waiting on the Lord...

The essence of waiting is trust or faith in the nature and character of God.  No one can wait on the Lord if he or she does not truely trust in God as the rock of their strength and refuge in all of life.  Waiting means claiming God's promises by faith and resting in what God is doing in our lives so we can faithfully follow God's principles and keep his values, priorities, and pursuits.

 The opposite of waiting and resting by faith is turning to our solutions of self-protection because of anger, fear, and jealousy.  We fret, we moan and groan, we withdraw or run from the problem.  We may try to control others, call attention to ourselves to bolster our feelings of inadequacy or to defend ourselves against the comments of others.  Out of fear of failure or loss, we may compromise our convictions or what we know is right.  But fear, which has displaced faith in the Lord, causes us to lean on the arm of the flesh.

Lamentations 3:25 The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him.

Psalm 62:5-8 My soul, wait in silence for God only, For my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.  On God my salvation and my glory rest; The rock of my strength, my refuge is God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah.

Isaiah 8:17 I will wait for the LORD, who is hiding his face from the house of Jacob.  I will put my trust in him.

In Finding Your Identity...

The biggest lesson God is teaching me in finding my own identity and in understanding who I am as a person is that it’s not always about me. This was a shocking realization because for so long I had been under the mindset that if I just better understood who I was then I’d be better able to handle the world around me, not let it have such a strong affect on me, and find my confidence to stand within it.


In finding our own identity, we often only find selfishness. It becomes all about me, my wants, my desires, my needs and my world grows smaller and smaller as I become the center of its universe. If you can take a step back, focus on someone else for a moment, you will then learn that who you are grows more in the light of those around then in the spotlight of your own stage. Too much light does not allow for growth, it blinds us to all that is around us, and it magnifies our own flaws. While the spot light seems warm and inviting, it is a lonely place. Character is developed in adapting, growing, and responding to situations beyond our own control. It is in better understanding others that we can then understand ourselves.

My attitude has been adjusted, my focus shifted, and I am learning that finding my own identity means less about me and more about those God has put around me. It’s not always about me. ..and for that I am thankful!

The Deep Desire for Change...

Change is in the air…

Change is going to come…

Change is just around the corner…

We put our hope in change, in the mindset that things will not always be like this. We often think that if pain or hardship or uncomfortable circumstances come, that God will be quick to bring a change into our lives to rid us of our pain, to take us from our hardship, and to change our circumstances. How often do we find ourselves in a battle with God because His timing is not our timing and because we get frustrated that He hasn’t brought the change that we prayed desperately for. I’ve had circumstances change overnight, some in mere hours, but then there have been hard times that have lasted for months and even years. I found that I battled with my belief in God over how quickly he delivered me from those hardships.

The lesson that I leaned in all of it is, that more often than not, the change that God brings into our lives is a change of heart and not of circumstance.

If we ran from every pain, every hardship, every unpleasant circumstance—we’d spend our lives running. God, however, teaches us, grows us, and helps us to become mature not only in our faith but in our strengths and weaknesses. When we change what is on the inside then we can see what is around us differently. More often than not, the problem is not in the circumstances around us, but in our own hearts. God is a God of strength and growth and while He promises that if we ask we shall receive, he also states that His ways are not our ways and that we often do not even know what to ask for. God pushes us beyond our comfort zone, changing us from the inside out.

So next time you pray for change, remember that more often than not, the change will begin in you.

All I need is You...All I am is Yours...

Lately I feel God telling me,

“Let others Be.”  “Your story is yours alone and is not affected by the stories of those around you.”  “Only you allow yourself to be affected and drawn in to these emotions, but my calling is specific for you and you alone…let others be and focus on being who I created You to be.”  “When the chaos surrounds, I am all you need.” 

“I do not call you unfortunate,” said the Large Voice.
"Don’t you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?” said Shasta.
“There was only one lion,” said the Voice
“What on earth do you mean? I’ve just told you there were at least two the first night, and.."
“There was only one: but he was swift of foot.”
“How do you know?”
“I was the lion.” And as Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued. “I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you.”
“Then it was you who wounded Aravis?”
“It was I.”
“But what for?”
“Child,” said the Voice, “I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own.”
--C.S. Lewis, The Horse and His Boy, Chapter 11

It's Simple but Its Hard...

There is a core to all of us, a deep seeded dwelling that holds the purpose, plan, and personality that God brought us to this earth with. We were made to glorify a king, to use the abilities he uniquely gifted us with to edify and enhance His kingdom. He gave us personalities, giftings, and a purpose that holds no shame, no blame, and no limits in glorifying our Savior. But just as Adam and Eve covered themselves out of shame and embarrassment, we also hide ourselves behind walls of worldly definition, we tell God that who he made us is not complete, that what he gave to us is not enough, and that we need more to be more. (Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame..Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.)

Who do you say I am? God replied " I am who I am" God hides behind no definition, He defines creation, He defines completeness and the existence of all that is. When someone asks who I am, I am often left to compile a laundry list of items that I feel define my existence: I am a wife, I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am a writer, I am an athlete, I am an organizer, I am artistic, I am a professional, I am... When all labels and possessions are stripped away..who am I? (Moses said to God, "Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them?" God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.")

We often associate the word simple with common, ordinary, naive, or plain; however, simple also means unaffected, unassuming, not complicated, sincere, and free of deceit or guile. God has placed in my heart a prodding towards returning to simplicity: this prodding has often come in the form of remolding and restructuring my way of thinking and living. He has stripped away the things I once thought defined me and while it left me feeling naked and vulnerable and left me with anxiety and fear in wanting so desperately to hide behind my own definitions once again; God has brought me to a place of freedom and inspiration in not feeling captive and chained to the things of this world. He has shown me that who I am is not dependent on the world around me or on my own abilities. There is peace that washes over me when I give over control and when I allow God to bring me back to the core of my existence, when I allow him to define me, and when I follow His leading and not my own. This of course takes work, it is a daily process of returning to simplicity, it is an inner battle to give over control and some days I am stronger than others but I am more aware now of when this internal battle is taking place. When my desperate need for control rises within me I can realize that something other than God has taken my attention and that I have missed the mark in giving God praise and have fallen once again to my own selfish need for existence.

I watched a movie that had a quote in it that I felt inspired by, in the movie an angel and a man, who was living after his own selfishness, were having a conversation about purpose. The angel tells the man, "It's simple...God is Love so we are to Love, God sacrificed everything so we must sacrifice everything." The man looked at the angel and said, "That's not simple." and the angel replied with, "Sure its simple, its just hard." Tearing down our walls of pride, sacrificing our own praise for the praise of God is simple in nature but hard in application.

True praise and devotion come in giving gifts to God that mean something to us. If what we must sacrifice is not hard or difficult then it must not mean much to us in the first place and is only an empty gift at the feet of a king. Our worship and our praise should cost us everything so that in giving him our all, He can be our everything.

From The Inside Out- Hillsong United

A thousand times I've failed Still your mercy remains And should I stuble again Still I'm caught in your grace Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame My heart and my soul, I give You control Consume me from the inside out Lord Let Jutice and praise, become my embrace To Love You from the inside out Your will above all else, my purpose remains The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Seasons

Stillness is necessary in order to appreciate movement...

Lately as winter seems to linger on and the hope of spring seems yet another day away, I long for the freedom of fresh air, open skies, and the wonder of knowing that my backyard is yet another room for my soul to reside.

I anxiously await the fresh warm breeze coming through my windows, I long for walks listening to the leaves rustle with the wind, and the feeling of warm sunshine washing over my face. My spirit is longing for the movement of the spring season, the growth that it brings, and the life that it renews.

I can't help but also realize that often my life mirrors my desire for the changing seasons. Often I find myself in a season of staleness, craving growth and movement. I am ready to run and yet God says "wait", I am ready for movement and yet God says "be still," I am ready to awaken my lungs and yet God says, "remain silent."

Gloom lingers on in the gray and cold skies above and impatience brings unrest to my overly anxious heart. If the outdoors would just get warmer, if my life just had a new adventure are the thoughts that spur my discontentment.

Stillness is necessary in order to appreciate movement...

You do not know what you are capable of, You do not know who you were created to be until that defining moment when stillness turns to movement and you become aware of the changes that took place to get you where you are. I reflect back on my life, to my seasons of gray, and it makes me appreciate so much more the vibrancy and the hope that I now have in my heart. When I step outside and inhale that sweet warm air, I appreciate it all the more because I know that it is truly a gift.

Stillness is a time to reflect, a time to appreciate all that God has brought us through and all that He has provided us with, it is a season of understanding and praise for a God who follows each season with the hope of another.

Appreciate the movement but reflect on the stillness--the one could not be possible without the other.

Beauty to Behold, Freedom to Create

To sing a song, empowered by such emotion, that my voice stretches to make its power known.

To run such a race, that my body glistens in response to the endurance I put it through.

To write a novel, with words so inspiring, that it provokes thought to those that read it.

To paint with vibrant colors, to leave my presence, a mark of beauty on the ordinary.

We were all born in the image of our creator—A Creator who put within us the desire to sing, run, write, or paint—to bring a mark of beauty within our world, to mirror our heavenly father, and to create something of greatness with our own human hands.

I often find myself desperate for an escape, for a release, to somehow make sense of all that I feel inside by creating beauty from the chaos. I don’t want to medicate the feelings, don’t want to sweep them under a rug, I want to find the beauty in all I feel, the journey life brings me through, I want to give back to God a gift of beauty. It is only in creating that I find peace, that I find understanding, that I make sense of all the colors and textures within my life. It is only in taking the time to understand how all the pieces fit together, how one color compliments another, and how the darkness sometimes brings depth to the light that I can fully understand all that I feel inside.

What I often forget though is that God is the ultimate creator and that while my pieces are original to me, they have always been known to Him. I get so caught up in the design, in the plan, in the originality of life that I lose perspective, I waste my energy and emotion on trying to control rather than create and reflect the image of the creator. My place is to reflect, to utilize, and to make beauty out of what He gives to me. Every day I have the ability to make something beautiful, to be something inspiring—He gives me the gift of being an artist, he gives me the stage, the tools, and the talent. He says to each of us, “sing me a song, run me a race, write me a novel, paint me a portrait.”

It is in our free will to form a melody, to find a path, to open the pages, and to swirl the brush—He gives us freedom to express ourselves, to find ourselves, and to be a part of the beauty that He created in and around all of us.

Fighting the Good Fight

Nothing is as it seems...
Hidden motives, Hidden agendas, a world of revisions and surprises creeping around every corner--nothing is as it seems. Constant comparisons, agendas with selfish reasoning, choices seem to be made by others before they even allow you to answer.
Your life starts feeling not like your own as you jump through hoops, race against the time lines of others, and as you look for truth in a world of lies.

What is real? What is truth? What can be trusted? Who can be trusted?

I find myself angry, consumed by rage as I fall for all the lies, a fool, just another hoping for truth, falling for hope and in the end feeling void of it all. Everyday I awake to a world that keeps wanting more of the nothing I have left to give.
There is no escape, there is no justice, there is no revenge; just another fool constantly believing in hope with a heart that refuses to turn cold but a head that rages inside to find that who I am is more than who I am not.

What do you stand for?
What do you believe in?
Who are you beyond a world of lies?

I feel at times if I merely say "Your will be done" then I lose the battle of standing against all the injustice. I want to be heard, I want to rise above but yet feel my place is to sit, to be silent, and to just accept all that is. I want to fight--I can't allow the lies to become truth.

I'm fighting myself, fighting with those I love, fighting it all; just because I long to be heard, long to feel alive, long to feel of purpose. I want my life to be enough, I want my worth to be enough without the constant comparisons, without the lies that disguise themselves as truth.

I feel lost, feel hidden, feel consumed by all that I'm not--
I do not even know who I am anymore.
I wonder though if I've let myself go to far into this world, if I am in to deep with what I do, what I think, what I watch, what I read, and what i listen to? I see injustice all around but I wonder if I've often placed myself in these battle zones that are not mine to fight.

Some may say Christianity is a bubble or that Christians separate themselves from the world, but this is truth...

Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing, and perfect will.

I can only find who I am when I stop conforming to the pattern of this world. Not every battle is mine to fight, mine to make right, mine to find the justice in. I find myself in Christ, I find my footing, my stability, my peace in renewing my mind on things of Heaven.
The scripture does not say "to test and approve what God's will is not." We seek truth. I can't run after discovering who I am not--I have to know who I am and live so that when I am tested, when I am in a battle, I don't dwell on who I'm not but on who I AM.

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

If you are Seeking God--You are who you are supposed to be.
If you are Seeking God's will--You are where you're supposed to be.

God promises peace for those that seek Him--If I am consumed by anger then who or what am I pursuing?

What fight are you fighting?

From the Inside Out- Hilsong (Lyrics)

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
My heart and my soul, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise, become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
My heart, my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out
My Soul cries out to You
My Soul cries out to You
to You, to You
My heart, my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out
From the inside out, O my soul cries out
From the inside out, O my soul cries out.

Journals and Thoughts Proof to a God of Faithfulness

Sometimes the journey takes us on a course that leaves us without words, without understanding, and without the resolve to find the deeper meaning behind all that has taken place, all that is taking place, and what these moments mean for future growth. My journey is either lacking words or my brain is lacking understanding, but the only conclusion I can grasp through it all is that sometimes we are just meant to live and not to understand; sometimes there is not a deeper meaning to a struggle other than just surviving the attack. I will be vulnerable in saying that these past two weeks I have been overwhelmed by life lessons I thought I had mastered a time ago. Struggles that I had hoped would be but only a memory, show their face and I am left without words. I can’t help but feel weak and defeated in not heeding my own advice, my own depth from past situations, and somehow not mastering a challenge that I had once found insight in before. I think God does this on purpose, I think he makes us realize that it is not our own insight and analogies that bring healing and growth, but Him alone. He alone brings healing, peace, redemption, and hope. The chapters we write and the journals that collect are just written proof of his faithfulness time and time again through every hill and every valley. I may not have words today but that does not mean that the battle is not being fought and that hope is not being sought. When there are no words, when there is no understanding, we have to hold on to God’s word and in God’s understanding for our lives. We aren’t meant to figure it out on our own, sometimes he wants our undivided attention, our uncompromising trust, and our ability to remain silent when everything inside of us screams out loud to be heard.


Do You Trust Me? He asks again….

What my answer will be is the only word He needs from me.

What is your Faith in?

"Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...To..."

-Sanctus Reel
"Whatever you’re doing”


I find that my prayer is often to be removed from the situation, for God to bring new opportunity and to save me from the frustration and negativity that I face. This morning I was convicted to change the way I pray, to refocus my concept of purpose, and to change my perspective on faith.

If God removed Moses, David, Ruth, Abraham, and Joseph from the circumstances that brought them anxiety, frustration, and pain we would not have witnessed the power, control, and purpose God has for our lives and His kingdom.

Our prayer should be for God to provide us the strength and the courage and the confidence to stand tall in times of trial and in times of animosity. Our purpose here on earth is to be witnesses, to be examples of faith and it is only in times of uncertainty when our strength is not enough that God can truly reveal His power and His purpose in this life. We should not run from adversity or be timid in crisis—these are moments of Faith, these are reflections of our Christian character, these are the moments that define who we believe God to be.

If we have a life always running from pain, then we will have a life that lacks purpose. The Bible says, “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world,” John 16:33.

We are guaranteed pain, heartache, confusion, and frustration, but we are also promised peace if we take heart and if we have faith in the promises of God. It sometimes seems to simple to be true but the truth is that we are the ones that complicate faith.

God says “I am” but more often we focus on “I’m not.”
Is your faith in what God can do or in what you can not do?

Exposed

There are days where I feel exposed, vulnerable and raw, days where I’d like to stay inside and hide. The hiding is not from fear or struggle but a genuine desire to keep all that God has been filling me with from overflowing outside of my own control. God gets a hold of our hearts, He shakes our souls, and in tearing down our walls, we can’t help but feel exposed. I hide from outside sources, from complexity beyond spiritual design; I bask and contemplate all that has fallen behind and all that stood the test of time.

The world around us craves exposure, purpose comes from being seen and heard, but what does it mean for me when I crave the calm, when I’m content in my own company and when the only voice I desire is the still small voice of God.
I am ready to shine but not of my own design. I am ready to stand out in front but not unless God is standing behind. This desire of earthly exposure is a platform of fear, but when God is working in our hearts and in our souls, His peace we desire to keep from all that threatens around us.

There is a balance of give and take—too often it falls on the side of take. We put ourselves on platforms to be seen as givers when our true intent is to take from the world all that our selfishness needs. To truly give is to sit in the shadows, it is to listen and not to speak, and it is to stand amongst the fall and to be willing to give your all for all that you can’t fathom or comprehend. It is to be used by God and not by the world.

God calls us to seasons of quiet, seasons of peace, seasons of hibernation because he is storing within us all that the world threatens to take away. It is God who calls us into the light and until those moments in time, I bask in being hidden in His grace, staying safe inside the wonder of His sovereign arms and giving to him all my needs.

When God calls us to ministry the world around us can become busy and full of noise, he gives us seasons of stillness to rest our souls and prepare us for the plans he has for us.
Enjoy the Quiet, Bask in stillness, take rest in the shadows, and embrace the desire to just be in a relationship with God and not the world around.